:: the rowster ::

4:38 PM

CNN.

In the business news, the CNN anchors are talking about the Philippines' economic growth in 2001. Funny how amazed they are that the country is actually showing signs of economic recovery.

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11:51 AM

The direct quote ...

The anchor was talking to the business reporter reporting live from the stock exchange. During the tete a tete after her report, the business reporter mentions the RP-US military exercises....

Anchor: "What was it you were telling me about the exercises? That the only people who are against it are the--"
Reporter: "... the leftists."
Anchor: (laughs) "Well, I'd rather not call them 'leftists.' I prefer to call them 'ideological orphans.'" (laughs some more)

Horror! Horror! Horror!

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11:46 AM

Aaack!

The horror!!! I just heard a news anchor (on ANC) mockingly call the leftists "ideological orphans." FAUX PAS FAUX PAS FAUX PAS!!! I see hate mail ....

Faux pas is my favorite word today. (Look, ma! I can speak French!)

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11:28 AM

Marvin Gaye's What's Going On ...

... album is playing right now.

Today, I check papers in the afternoon, then rush to school for prayer session. Then, bahala na si Batman.

In the news ... yesterday was Bloody Sunday in UK.

And today, the Philippines is in the international spotlight as the "war on terror comes to the Philippines," as the CNN headline proclaims. (Kinda silly headline, though. The Philippines has been waging a "war on terror" for decades; the war didn't just arrive on our shores today. Okayokay; I'll stop nitpicking!) And for diplomatic reasons, I'm not too happy about George W.'s speech. Whatever happened to the "global coalition against terrorism"? I mean, okay, let's commit another diplomatic faux pas, shall we?

Speaking of which ... where has Tony Blair disappeared to?

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1:39 PM

My day so far.

Rather productive day at work so far. Maybe I should consider coming to school on Tuesdays more often. I managed to finish my thesis sheets and organize some of my administrative files.

This afternoon, I'm going to run a few errands: get my cedula, go to the bank.

Main topic of conversation at the department today was Fr. G. I went to his wake; his body is so thin; he's barely recognizable. It was a quite a shock. By chance, Fr. F happened to be there at the same time, and I walked out of the chapel with him. He (Fr. F) was telling me that when Fr. G died, a group of scholastics were singing hymns and playing music in his room. A nice way to go.

Whenever news reaches me that a Jesuit has died, I get depressed; especially if that Jesuit was a teacher. Jesuit teachers are institutions here at school; to my mind they are the constant in this ever-changing university, the familiar faces that make the university "home" for alumni like myself. But when one of them dies, it serves as a reminder that even the constants are ... well ... not as constant as we would like them to be. It also serves as a reminder that my teachers whom I revere the most, whose lessons changed my life the most, and whose words remain immortal to me, will also someday die .... :(

Sigh. Okay. I could dwell on this some more (and depress myself some more), but I have to go to the bank before it closes.

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12:26 PM

Women.

I work in an unapologetically male-dominated environment, and while I've never encountered any major problems with being a woman among so many men, it sometimes amuses (and, admittedly, slighty disturbs) me as to how ignorant some of my colleagues can be when it comes to women's issues.

I'm not a rabid feminist (my stand simply put: I believe in human rights, and that must include both men and women). But this conversation today made me shake my head in amused disbelief:

Colleague: We're offering an applied ethics seminar on women's issues?!?! What in heaven's name about that can we discuss for an entire seminar?
(The rowster passes by.)
Colleague to the rowster: So, what would you consider a woman's issue?
Rowster: Well, there's abortion. Rape. Domestic violence. Sexual harrassment. --
Colleague: (suddenly changing tone) Ahhhh ..... Okay .......

I actually could've gone on. (Unequal opportunity. Prostitution and the sex trade. Sexual prejudice.... The list goes on ....) Amazing how some men are so unaware ....

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4:53 PM

Sad, sad ....

My friend just called me up, crying, asking if the news was true .... :( :( :( She was really close to Fr. G.

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4:46 PM

Sad news.

Fr. G passed away a few hours ago. He was never my teacher, but I'm still saddened by the news. :(

Update: Oops. It was just a little more than an hour ago pala.

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12:02 PM

Hilarious link...

... from brownpau.

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11:56 AM

Today is the day!!!

M's coming home this afternoon. Yay!!! :) I can't wait. :)

Bowling/Billiards on Friday night was fun. Six of us showed up. We had dinner first at a Vietnamese restaurant ... yum! Then we played, with the usual pairings (the hubbie and wife pair didn't play; they just watched). I played badly, as usual, scoring a 76 in both games. (I'm not a good bowler--worst in my family--but I enjoy playing the game). Fortunately, RR, who was my teammate, played the best game of his life. Thanks to his quintuple strike, we easily beat J and W in both games.

After two games, we played best-of-five 8-ball on the billiards table. Our team won again, no thanks to me. (But hey, I think I gave a good show of moral support and cheering!) Pool is another game I am really bad at ... but which I thoroughly enjoy. Of course, my pleasure is always at my teammates' expense, because they end up having to do all the work. But I have vivid childhood memories of begging my parents to buy a pool table. (They never did. Ano ako; sinusuwerte?! :P )

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Yesterday, I watched American Adobo with A, then went clothes-shopping with her. (I love helping other people to clothes-shop; unfortunately, I end up buying stuff for myself as well.) An hour later, I was P600 poorer but two blouses richer. Then A went off to watch another film, while I met up with GW at Starbucks 6750. We shared best-friend-update-kwento over cigarettes, then we went to Rustan's to buy things for JC's bridal shower.

At around 5-ish, I headed to JC's bridal shower. I purposely went early, so I could throw together my food contribution (a pasta dish), and help with the decorations (I learned that I am not good at blowing up condoms). The shower itself started at around 7-ish. We ate dinner first, then played ... uh ... bridal shower games ... and girl-talked into the night. Had a blast. Female bonding is always fun.

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And now I am happily anticipating my lovey's arrival. Just four more hours to go. :)

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2:14 PM

Maybe it's the knowledge that there are only 48 more hours to go ...

...before I see M again. But I'm getting, in Tagalog, very atat. Sigh! Patience, rowster, patience.

Well ... on the brighter side, my class is moving into one of my favorite themes, death. So I've been "performing" better in the classroom. Mas feel.

A phrase just popped into my head: the palpability of absence. You have the start of a whole poem, right there.

Bowling tonight. I couldn't find my bowling ball. (Inherited.) Nor my bowling shoes (which are with my bowling ball). I better not forget to bring powder this time.

Okay, gotta go. Class in a few minutes; I gotta prepare.

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12:18 AM

Ahhhh ....

Just talked to M on the phone. I feel better. :)

Nighty-night!

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11:56 PM

Apostolate.

From the CLC GP (italics mine): "Christ has sent us on mission as members of the pilgrim People of God to be His witnesses before all people by our attitudes, words and actions. We are to become identified with His mission of bringing the good news to the poor, proclaiming liberty to captives and to the blind, new sight, setting the downtrodden free and proclaiming the Lord's year of favor. Our life is essentially apostolic."

I've always been moved by the alluded-to Gospel passage. I wish, I wish, I wish I lived it better.

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10:58 PM

Sigh ....

I miss my love so. He is really the sweetest guy in the world.

I get the feeling that ...
... I must have done something right....

........

(Public display of mush!) ;)

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7:59 PM

Prayer session and God's Love.

Feeling good.

Just came from a really nice prayer session with my guidee unit.

The theme was the CLC way of life, in preparation for this year's ACLC commitment (or, strictly speaking, commitment for next year). (If you're asking "What is CLC?" click here, here, or here.)

The material for prayer was the Principle and Foundation. (Click here for a direct translation of the original 16th century text.)

Even before the prayer period, I asked them to share what they felt the CLC way of life meant to them, and I was moved. And moved even more by what they shared after the prayer period.

I like the simplicity of what T said about what the CLC way of life meant to him. "To be Christ-like," was his answer.

They call me their "guide." But most of the time, I feel that I am the one who is being guided.

I feel so much grace right now. :) Much consolation.

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2:01 PM

Letters and old friends.

Received a wonderful, moving, touching e-mail from an old college friend. Of all my friends, I think it his life that, in a strange way, serves as a benchmark reminding us all how far we've come, how much we've grown, since college. C, I think, has grown the most among all of us. "Grown," in the sense that he has seen so much, experienced so much, in some ways changed so much ... and yet at the heart of it all, he is still the same wanderer, searching longingly for love and for grounding. I really miss him so. Every time he sends e-mail (which is only about four or five times a year), I feel so overwhelmed with je ne sais pas ....

C, in a really uncoventional way, you are my guardian angel. Not because you're a saint nor a model citizen (heheh!), but because you too can look back at a time when life was simpler, when we were more idealistic, and when we wanted to change the world. And you too have known that "the world can happen to us" ... and that we can forgive ourselves for that.

I hope I'm making sense.

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Also received news that Fr. G is in critical condition. :( Shucks.

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Had lunch with EI and BS. The same observation was made for the nth time: "Doesn't it seem like everyone's getting married?" It didn't freak me out this time. Natatawa na lang ako. :)

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Today, I had that moment of realization, again, that I love working with the people I work with.

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And last night ... and this morning, I had the realization that I really am a lucky girl. ;)

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9:08 PM

Women.

Well, I read the Gloria article. Well written, as expected (hey, it's Time magazine!). But not very insightful; I mean, the writer didn't really say anything new. He was just telling the rest of Asia what people who follow Philippine politics already know.

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Solace wrote a touching LJ entry about her mom. Sigh, makes me miss my own mom. Like solace, I also feel really fortunate that I have a great relationship with my mom.

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In the meantime, I'm feeling really fine right now. Had a tiring day, but tiring in a good way. My teaching was up to par, and--miracle of miracles--I got some work done outside of the classroom as well. I had a few good laughs at the department. And I ran today. Thirty minutes (I left the boys early; they ran an additional fifteen). So now I'm high on brain-secreted dopamine and serotonin (is that right?), and my leg muscles feel nicely well-used.

I was also able to run a few errands after running. Nice to feel productive.

So this has been a pretty good day.

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The whole POW issue regarding the Al-Qaeda and Taliban prisoners in Camp X-Ray is bothering me.... Are these human rights violations? Violations of the Geneva Convention? ....

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12:47 AM

Pahabol.

How interesting. Our president is the topic of Time-Asia's cover story.

And this has got to be the most newsworthy human interest story I've read in a loooong time!

Meanwhile ... I'm playing bowling with the CLC gang on Friday. Yipee! :)

Still, can't wait till Sunday. *sigh ...* On the phone, M asked, "So have you been blogging a lot?" Wait till he reads my entries these past few days!!!! *LOL*

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12:38 AM

News.

Shooting in Jerusalem.

I've always found it interesting (sad? disturbed?) to note how different the front page of CNN-USA is from CNN-Asia and CNN-Europe. I actually have a lot to say about it, but I'm not in the mood to get started so I won't ....

And everyone who either: (a) feels strongly (whether in support of or against) about the U.S. military "training" in the Philippines, or (b) is excited to watch Black Hawk Down ... here and here are things to think about.

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9:47 PM

Oh gosh.

Oh gosh; I stood on the bathroom scale earlier today, hoping that I'd lost my Christmas ten. But no-ooo! Instead I've gained!!! I am now fifteen pounds over my usual weight. Darn. I haven't been this weight since college. I'm suddenly worried. I'm so vain; I know. But I really loved being an effortless flat 100, and I don't want to lose that!

On the phone with M awhile ago, I told him about the fifteen-pound discovery, and said that his absence is my chance to starve myself and shed the extra fifteen pounds. Heehee! :) Rather difficult to maintain my waistline what with all the really scrumptious food his parents keep serving whenever I have dinner at his house.

'Coz it's either that, or I seriously maintain an exercise regimen. But that's something I haven't been able to do since I stopped dancing. Or rather, since I stopped taking P.E. (enforced exercise ... though I cheated one semester and took chess). That, despite my annual new years' resolutions to "get fit and toned this year." To illustrate a point:

Six months ago, I announced to my unit that I was going to join the bandwagon and start going to the gym, especially after B told me that it's a great place to meet guys. (M, this was before we got together!) I never went.

Last year, I promised my ACLC friends I'd join their weekly MWF running pact. It was a promise I broke.

Two years ago, I inherited my uncle's bike, and even blew a few hundred bucks on a helmet and a bicycle pump. How many times have I used the bike? Once. (But if it's any consolation to myself, I've used the bicycle pump twice.)

Three years ago, I brought my cross-trainers and dumbbells to school, vowing to run at least once a week. Guess what happened. The rubber on my shoes dried out because of lack of use (darn; and I loved those shoes!), and the dumbbells (which are still under my desk) just gathered dust.

Four years ago, my brother and I made a pact to start jogging every Sunday morning around the U.P. oval. How many times did we actually jog? Probably thrice.

Five years ago, I actually paid for membership at the university gym. I went and worked out religiously ... for all of two months.

Maybe this year will be different. I spent forty U.S. dollars on my new running shoes, because of my pact with A that we'd start running this year. Maybe I should stick the receipt to my bathroom mirror as a reminder of how much money I'm going to be wasting if I don't run. (A, while you're out of town, I'll be running with the boys. Though I'm not too thrilled at the prospect of being left behind every run.)

I'd still much rather dance. Now that's one form of exercise I don't mind doing for hours, and which I thoroughly enjoy all the way from warm-up to cool-down. Don't they have ballet classes for adults anywhere?

Vain, vain, vain me. :P heheheh!!!! But gawsh ... I am so pathetic. Well, I hope M's athletic streak rubs off on me. At least now I have someone asking, "So, are you running this week?" :) Very good. Arf! arf! Fringe benefit. :)

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7:22 PM

American Adobo.

JB promises it's a good film. Okay, I'm definitely going to watch.

Especially since it's set in NYC.

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5:30 PM

Production, vocation et al.

These past few posts call for some reflection. I do miss media production. The stress I've been feeling from work lately has me wondering, again, how long I want to stay in the academe. I love my job ... but do I want to work all the way to a Ph.D.? That, I'm not certain of. When I think about doctoral studies, the only thing that really makes me happy is the thought that I might be studying in New York City.

Or maybe I'm just going through a phase.

I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.

If a Ph.D. just took a year or two, this wouldn't feel like such a dilemma. But realistically, I know that two years is not enough to finish a doctorate, not in Philosophy, at least. And even though I love philosophy ... do I really want to go that far into it? A seems to have such a ring of finality to it ... sort of like a point of no return .... And apart from that ... is there any philosopher I'm interested enough in to write an entire dissertation on?

NC told me once that I have a commitment problem; not when it comes to people, but when it comes to activities. And true enough, there does seem to be a strange pattern in my life .... I get really really passionate and obsessed about something for three years ... and then after the third year, my interest wanes, I begin to get tired, and I begin searching for a new obsession.

I'm twenty-five years old, and I have no idea what career I really want to get into. There are so many things I'm interested in, yet I'm not sure if I've found my "calling" yet. And by next year, I'm going to have start working towards a decision about the academe. Sigh!

Or maybe I should just decide to remain a drifter for the rest of my life. A professional dilettante.

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5:02 PM

Speaking of the Lonely Planet TV show ...

... I never knew, until now, that Christina Chang is part-Filipino.

Oh, to travel travel travel ... and to have the chance to dip into so many cultures ..... Those Lonely Planet presenters are so darn lucky. When I was a kid, I felt a little bitter about the fact that our family was always moving from place to place, because life always felt like a series of goodbyes. But now that I'm older, I think it was the best gift of my childhood.

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4:56 PM

Daydreaming.

Spent the morning working. Spent the early afternoon watching interior design shows on the Lifestyle Network. Made myself a slightly-too-big merienda. And now I'm blogging while "Lonely Planet: Ireland" is on TV. No, Lonely Planet has not jumped the shark.

Today I want to be an interior designer ... or a producer/reporter for the Lonely Planet TV show ... or a writer for the Lonely Planet guidebook series. I've always wanted to be a tour guide, actually. Or a travel writer. Or a tour organizer.

I also really want to visit the land of my birth. The only thing really British about me is my birth certificate, the fact that I learned British English before I learned to speak American ("massage" is pronounced "MAHsadj" and not "mahSAZH"), and an occasional fascination for that region's myth and lore. Oh ... and the fact that I think Tony Blair is way cool. If I were living in the U.K. I would love to work for him, or for the British Parliament as a whole, for that matter.

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9:13 PM

Stolen from solace ...

... who stole it herself. hehe! :) I'm bitin with the number four, so I changed everything to five.

Five CDs from your collection that you will never get tired of:
1. Counting Crows' "August and Everything After"
2. Serendipity soundtrack
3. Cat Stevens' "Teaser and the Firecat"
4. Best of Simon and Garfunkel
5. The Beatles' "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band"

Five vacations you have taken:
1. The Philippines (vacation spot for me when I was a kid)
2. The South-East Asian round (Indonesia, Thailand, Malaysia, and I forget where else)
3. U.S. '01 (CA, NYC)
4. Boracay '95
5. HK '99 (or was that 2000?)

Five Places you just have to go:
1. Paris now that I'm older
2. London now that I'm older
3. Africa, just to be able to say that I've been
4. Vigan now that I'm older
5. Rome and Vatican City

Five things you'd like to learn:
1. another instrument (or instruments ... the violin ... and to play the guitar well)
2. another language (or languages)
3. another sport (or sports)
4. a martial art; Tae Kwon Do preferably ... except that I wish I could learn it without having to do drills
5. to play "Fantasie Impromptu"

Five beverages you drink frequently:
1. iced tea
2. iced tea
3. iced tea
4. iced tea
5. iced tea without ice (in which case it's just cold tea, I guess)

Five tv shows that were on when you were a kid:
1. Happy Days (in S'pore)
2. Mousercise (in S'pore)
3. Batibot
4. Saturday Fun Machine (a series of shows rather than just one show)
5. Punky Brewster

Five tv shows you watch now:
1. CNN (not considered a show, but heck; I don't really know when I'm watching a "show" on CNN)
2. "The Practice," when I manage to catch it
3. "E.R.," when I manage to catch it
4. "The Probe Team," when HS reminds me to
5. Lately? "The Amazing Race," when I manage to catch it

Five places to go in your area: define "your area." how about "my part of the city"? And I'll name more than five.
1. 70s Bistro
2. the Ateneo campus
3. one of the three malls nearby (Megamall, Robinson's, Shangri-la; there are others which I rarely go to)
4. one of the four gimmick areas nearby (Libis/Eastwood, Katipunan, Ortigas Center)
5. Greenhills, for great shopping
6. Cubao
7. the U.P. campus

Five things to do when you're bored:
1. Net: check e-mail, blog, read other people's online journals/blogs
2. watch TV
3. read
4. play the piano
5. look for a gimmick

Five things that never fail to cheer you up:
1. getting a hug from M
2. belly-laughter with old friends
3. a good prayer session
4. seeing an old friend I haven't seen in a long time
5. taking long vacations out of town or out of the country

Five Closest Friends of the Same Sex: can I name more than five???
1. GW
2. AR
3. EI
4. TP
5. KC
6. GR

Five Closest Friends of the Opposite Sex: ditto???
1. M
2. ET though I don't know how he is lately
3. JU
4. NA off and on
5. CD
6. Philo boys
7. my brothers

Five Crushes (Past/Present)
1. M (present)
2. Dingdong Avanzado (past)
3. NONSOC (past)
4. TL (past)
5. PD (past)

About 20 years ago...
1. I was five years old
2. I had a lavender belt that had the words "I am 5"
3. I lived in Singapore.
4. I think I was in kindergarten then. Or maybe pre-primary (Prep).
5. it was the Michael Jackson era, I think

About 10 years ago...
1. I was fifteen
2. I did not like Biology (2nd year), and I loved Geometry (3rd year)
3. I think I was seatmates with AC
4. I travelled alone for the first time (U.S. '92)
5. Cory Aquino was serving her last year in office

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10:15 AM

It's my lovey's birthday and I miss him!

'Nuff said.

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10:11 AM

Missing post.

I coulda sworn I didn't forget to post and publish it .... But yesterday, I wrote a long-ish reaction to brownpau's complaint that so many girls have crushes on Legolas in the film version of the story. M and his friends were making similar gripes during M's steak party.

My question is: Why can't men deal with the fact that so many girls like Legolas? Is it because they have all secretly wished they were swashbuckling Aragorn ... only to find that so many girls go for the sweet, sensitive archer instead? Is this Legolas phenomenon challenging the male myth of masculinity? C'mon guys. Most girls have never understood the male fascination with American football, with pro wrestling and boxing, with the fight scenes in Braveheart. So the relegation of macho-man Aragorn to a measly second place behind cleanly scrubbed, unbloody Legolas shouldn't come as that much of a surprise. heheh! :)

Personally, I found Aragorn cooler, but I also see Legolas' suave charm. Aragorn is the strong man. Legolas is the gentleman.

But both of them do not compare, at all, to my love. Ara-who??? Lego-what??? Arf! arf!

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12:28 AM

Happy birthday, love!

:)

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11:51 AM

News headlines.

Is it just me, or is this headline misleading? Technically, 52% of the population is the majority ... but to use the word "most" ...? Isn't that word a bit too ... uh ... superlative for a statistic that is really just "a little more than half"? Especially if you consider the +/- 5 margin of error.

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11:37 AM

One year ago.

Exactly one year ago, Chief Justice Hilario Davide administered the oath of office to Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo in front of the cheering crowd at EDSA Shrine. Some people have chosen to celebrate this "triumph of democracy," and ten months ago I probably would've looked forward to the celebrations. But after EDSA 3, and the ensuing crises that have plagued this country, I am no longer so sure what EDSA 2 really meant.

I stayed on EDSA for four days during People Power 2; even slept under the fly-over while waiting for Erap to resign. But frankly, when Gloria stepped up to take her oath on the 20th of January 2001, I was feeling rather ambivalent. I went home that day less than jubilant, and vented those feelings in a long essay that I typed out on my PC.

I miss the days when the right and wrong of issues were clearer to me, when I was more certain about whose side I was on.

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On a lighter note, Noel Cabangon's "Pasakalye" album was reviewed in today's Inquirer. :) (Though I didn't think the review was all that well written.)

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8:09 PM

Mongodroids.

I haven't visited the site, but I was cleaning my wallet when I came across Dino Ignacio's calling card. He has a new(?) site called Mongodroids, in case anyone is interested in checking it out.

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6:23 PM

Check list.

I've received this list in the e-mail many times over the last few years. Actually have a copy posted on my aparador door. (Yes, that's how cheesy I can be.) And today, I found it again on solace's page. I'm always stealing stuff off her page, and today is no exception (heehee!). And unoriginal bastard that I am, I'm going to add my own comments as well.

Every woman should have ...
...one old love she can imagine going back to... and one who reminds her how far she has come... Nope. Check.
...enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own even if she never wants to or needs to...Nope.
...something perfect to wear if the employer or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour... Check.
...a youth she's content to leave behind... Check.
...a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age...Uhhh ... check, I guess.
...a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...Check. Nope. Not sure ... do I?
...one friend who always makes her laugh... and one who lets her cry... Check. Check.
...a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family...Nope.
...eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored... Nope; not my own, anyway.
...a feeling of control over her destiny... Check. :)

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6:04 PM

Dinner, lunch, and old friends.

Last night, M celebrated his birthday early by inviting his high school barkada (plus dates) over to his house for a steak dinner. I loved watching them (the boys). Cool dudes, with much affection for one another. :) I've always enjoyed watching the dynamic among guy friends, and M's barkada was (obviously) no exception. I especially loved it when, at the end of the night, each of them gave a toast to M. As an observer, I got all warm inside. :)

This morning, I kissed M goodbye before he flew off to Boracay.

Today, I had lunch with some of my own high school kabarkada's, at JC's restaurant. I didn't know until I got there that the whole point of the lunch-out was to grill me about M. M, JC says that I look really happy.

And it turns out that yet another of us is going to be walking down the aisle soon. JC is getting married three weeks from now; MC (who wasn't at the lunch), at the end of the year; and--the big news of the day--JS will be saying "I do" to her honey next year.

Funny how, ten years ago, our lives were so alike. And now, it's clear that the choices each of us has made have led to such diverse paths. Some of us have opted to be the conventional woman of the new millenium--part-housewife-to-be, part career-woman. CD, the ever-bohemian-but-not-really, continues to be her ever-bohemian-but-not-really self. G continues to make her own rules, learn her own growing-up lessons.

And me? Difficult to describe the life I'm living. Teacher, occasional academic-wannabe, trying to make the most of whatever comes my way. And trying to follow my heart.

But I think that beyond all the external differences in our lifestyles now, there's one thing that we have in common. We all insist on doing what we believe in, and in caring for whatever we value the most.

I wonder where we'll all be fifteen, twenty years down the line. I hope CD manages to retire early, as she plans, and gets her dream retirement house on the beach. I hope JC and JS get their dream houses with gardens for their kids to romp in. As for me ... honestly, I have no plans beyond the next two years, but I do hope that wherever I am, my photo albums are filled with snapshots of beautiful places, and pictures of the people I love.

[ link | ]

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5:41 PM

Deadlines.

Bother, bother, bother! Just spoke with my boss and realized I have only one more semester to finish my degree if I want to finish on time! Somehow, that glaring fact never sunk in. Sigh. Oh well. I shall not be stressed. I shall not be stressed. I shall not be stressed. If I really work like crazy--the way I used to work when I was still in production--I can finish everything this summer, strictly speaking. So it's do-able. And even if I don't finish in time, it's not the end of the world. All that means is that things will become a tad more inconvenient for me .... Okay, maybe a LOT more inconvenient for me ....

This is good, actually. Much-needed kick in the butt.

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And so, in the meantime, I am sitting here, trying to relax. It's hot as an oven outside (portent of the coming summer?), so I am enjoying the department's air-conditioning, trying to move as little as possible. Can't wait to take another shower.

Dinner thingy at M's house tonight, in celebration of his birthday. His birthday isn't until Monday, but he's leaving for Boracay tomorrow and won't be here on the big day. Nine whole days--sniff! :( But at least he'll be having fun. And at least it'll force me to work. (Throw myself into work to forget the fact that I miss him--heheh! Missing someone is always good for work, 'no? :P )

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On the national front ... been sifting through my e-mail. I'm a member of a number of political discussion/e-mail groups, and a lot of the e-mail I've been getting has been too disturbing to read. I don't know whether I'm really in the process of shifting position on the political spectrum, or whether my frustration with the national situation has just pushed me into relative apolitical-ness. After years of being willing to fight tooth and nail for my political views, all I want right now is for things to settle down, for the country to be (relatively) stable again, and for everyone to have enough food to eat. Am I experience political burn-out? I don't know.

It's gotten so bad that I'm even dreading the thought of having to write my political philosophy papers; and to think those are the ones I'm usually most excited about writing.

I need some kind of recharge, but I'm not sure exactly what. Because I'm not really sure what the problem is. Have I lost touch with the Faces beyond the ideas? Am I losing hope? Or is this all because I'm growing more and more uncertain of who/what the enemy is?

And is this just a phase for me, or is this going to be a permanent change in my psyche?

Sigh ...!
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In the meantime ... can't wait for my love to arrive. :) Happy happy joy joy!

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1:39 PM

Song in my head.

"Rubylove." From Cat Steven's "Teaser and the Firecat" album. With a translation from the Greek.

Who'll be my love
You'll be my love
You'll be my sky above
Who'll be my light
You'll be my light
You'll be my day and night
You'll be mine tonight

Ruby glykeia (Ruby my sweet)
Ela xana (come again)
Ela xana konta mou (come again close to me)
Ela proi (come in the morning)
Me tin avgi (by dawn)
Hrisi san iliahtida (gold as a sunbeam)
Ruby mou mikri (You small Ruby)

Ruby my love
You'll be my love
You'll be my sky above
Ruby my light
You'll be my light
You'll be my day and night
You'll be mine tonight

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12:48 PM

Work Schedule.

One thing I love about my job is that I have two days' off each week--aside from weekends. Technically-speaking, they aren't really "days off," because I still have lots of work to do on those days (today, for example, I need to check papers); but at least I keep my own schedule on those days.

And so today, I am rested, relaxed, and feeling good. Blogging, while Wayne's World is airing on HBO. Wayne's World, party time, excellent! Ah, the genius of 90s brainless movies!

One thing I must do, though, is to start keeping a stricter work schedule, especially for the days that I work at home. My life, I realize, comes in phases of structured-ness. I can go for months with an impeccable work ethic ... and then suddenly switch to slacker-mode, and stay there for another few months. So that's my next project. Today, I'm going to organize my work schedule before running off later this afternoon to run errands.

And now ... lunch, lunch, lunch! Yum! :)

Happy happy happy!

[ link | ]

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9:42 AM

Sleepy gurl.

I stayed up past 2 A.M. last night, watching HBO. First I watched this film called Cheaters, based on a true story about a bunch of high school kids in Chicago who cheated in an interscholastic academic competition, with their teacher's help. Quite disturbing. Then Dave came on and I couldn't stop watching.

And now, I must prepare for class ....

[ link | ]

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5:28 PM

Cool.

Cool. I'm Janis Joplin. :)

You are a free, elegant spirit with a rebellious side, you Janis Joplin you!

Test made by
morphina


Take the ' which dead rockstar ' are you, test, here!

[ link | ]

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4:49 PM

Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring.

Oh HOW COULD I FORGET!!! One of the high points of last weekend (there were many, but most of the others are not for public consumption) was the fact that the choir at Church sang Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring during Communion. I was in line for Communion when they started singing, and I looked over at M and we both beamed. Hearing that song got my heart dancing with joy!

God bless Bach's soul!

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4:31 PM

Lengthy updates.

First things first .... I've always wondered where these forwarded lists begin. This one, which I received via e-mail a few days ago, is a winner .... No, I don't know why some numbers are missing.

YOU KNOW YOU'RE OUT OF COLLEGE WHEN
1. Your salary is less than your tuition.
3. Shacking up in twin-sized beds seems absurd.
4. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
5. You have to pay your own credit card bill.
7. You haven't seen a soap opera in over a year.
8. 8:00 AM is not early.
9. You have to file your own taxes.
10. You hear your favorite song on the elevator at work.
12. You carry an umbrella.
13. You learn that "bachelor" is a nicer term for JACKASS.
14."Extended childhood" only really pertains to your salary, which is a little less than your allowance used to be.
15. "Twenty-something" means over-qualified, under-paid and not married.
16. Your friends marry instead of hook-up and divorce instead of breakup.
17. You start watching the Weather Channel.
18. Jeans and baseball caps aren't staples in your wardrobe.
19. You can no longer do SHOTS and smoking gives you a sinus attack.
20. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7.
21. You stop confusing 401K plan with 10K run.
22. You go to parties that the police don't raid.
23. Adults feel comfortable telling jokes about sex in front of you.
24. You don't know what time Wendy's closes anymore.
26. You refer to college students as kids.
27. You drink wine, scotch and martinis instead of beer, bourbon, Everclear and rum.
28. The beer you DO drink doesn't have to be what's on sale.
29. Your parents start making casual remarks about grandchildren.
31. You're on the computer more than you're on the telephone.
33. "The Walk of Shame" is now that long walk from the boss' office back to your cubicle.
34. You're actually glad to hear those two words you hated for 4 years - "LAST CALL!"
35. When you drink at a party, it is out of a glass and not out of a red plastic cup.
37. When you attend a party, the main drink is not served out of a huge plastic garbage can.
38. You find that brief cases are more acceptable than the once staple backpack.
39. You have eliminated most alcoholic drinks out of your repertoire due to the fact that some bad experience was had on every one of them.
40. The only times you see your jeans and T-shirts is Friday thru Sunday.
__________

Now for a breakdown of my week's activities ....

Wednesday. Hung out with M's college barkada yesterday. We went to Hard Rock to watch a Cynthia gig. The major topic of conversation of the night was ... yikes! ... marriage. I say "yikes!" because at this age (mid-20s), it is no longer some far off romantic topic; instead, it has become a realistic--and therefore scary--thought. In high school and early college, my girl friends and I would, as girls are wont to do, fantasize about our wedding motifs and wedding dresses and wedding invitations .... Nowadays, the only wedding invitations we talk about are real wedding invitations, as in: "Have you received so-and-so's wedding invitation yet? I heard she got them back from the printers already." This year alone, I expect to be attending at least three weddings of good friends of mine.

And suddenly, the thought of wedding dresses and wedding invitations is not so romantic and exciting as it is scary.... Scary, because of our growing appreciation of what marriage really entails....

But as I was telling M a few days ago (and this is almost an exact quote), even though thoughts like that give me the hives ... what I do know now is that I'm happy where I am in the present and I'm happy with the person I'm with, and that's really what matters right now. And when the right time comes to move on (whatever "moving on" means), I'll know, and it will all be right. Apart from that ... bahala na si Batman. I do know that now is a fantastic time--as M likes to say--to "stop and smell the flowers." And I'm just grateful for the companion I'm taking whiffs of those flowers with.

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Thursday. Met up with some CLC friends, which was nice. Our last gimmick for RG, before he flies back to the U.S. Good dinner (though the service at the restaurant--which shall not be named--was not that great). Coffee at RG's house.

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The Weekend. M and I hit our one-month marker! :) :) :) :) :) What joy!

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And today ... I'm not as perky as usual. :( Feeling kinda tired, PMS-y .... So you will have to excuse the tone of these next paragraphs. Copped out of lecturing in class by assigning a group activity. Actually, I hate doing that because for the most part I really love lecturing, and I love teaching and when I'm unable to teach well, I feel like a bit of a failure.

And to add to my physical out-of-sorts-ness, the work-related stress is building. My boss has been bugging me a bit about my graduate studies. Hmmm. Darn it. I know, I know ... I really have to knuckle down and get some real, genuine, serious work done. Every time I think about my 2003 deadline, I feel an internal sense of UTTER PANIC! Panic, panic, panic. My career, the job I love doing the most, my professional future ... are riding on that deadline.

And today I found out that I'm up for evaluation next week. Yikes--class observations! Darn, I thought I was exempt from evaluations because I didn't teach last semester. But nooooo .... Sigh! Well, I better do well ... wouldn't wanna waste that potential raise. :)

Stress, stress, stress. Sigh. I guess this officially marks the end of the Christmas holidays; and I can no longer use holiday hang-over as an excuse, even to myself. :( I need to get back into work rhythm. Very soon. As in, yesterday. Or else this won't be the last of my frazzled days.

Sigh!!!

Work, rowster! Work!!!

[ link | ]

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4:02 PM

Baguio, Tolkien, et al.

The last three days were packed for me.

Weekend: Baguio with solace, E, B, and RT. It was freezing (by Manila standards)--single-digit temperature when we got there. E generously treated us to a hotel room ... and to facials. I made the mistake of popping a cold capsule on Saturday morning, and I was knocked out for the rest of the day and missed the barkada's afternoon activities. But I managed to wake up in time for dinner at Cafe By the Ruins. That night, the sky was BEAUTIFUL! Shame that it was too cold to stay out under the stars for too long....

On Sunday, we had batirol chocolate and brunch in John Hay. Then we went shopping at the market, and finally solace and I hit the wagwagan and splurged on second-hand clothes before coming back down to Manila.
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Monday: Great day at school. I felt in my element in the classroom. And M surprised me in the afternoon by sitting in my last class. After a nostalgic siomai-rice merienda at the college caf, we hit the mall to watch Lord of the Rings (or, strictly speaking, The Fellowship of the Ring).

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I must say it: Lord of the Rings is one of the absolute best movies I've seen in a long time!!!!! Fantastic, fantastic, fantastic film!!!! M and I were speechless when it was over. Can't wait till the next installment! :)

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Thanks to solace for this:

Three things that scare you:
1. ghost stories
2. horror flicks
3. the feeling you get when you've lost control of something (ooh, complex answer ....)

Three things that make you laugh:
1. funny comic strips
2. witty remarks
3. "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"

Three things you love: (Things?)
1. beautiful sunsets
2. long, deep conversations with close friends
3. good music

Three things you hate:
1. rats
2. seeing people be cruelly embarrassed
3. feeling jealous

Three things you don't understand:
1. Calculus
2. Stock market news
3. Swahili

Three things on your desk: (at the office)
1. books
2. my coffee mug
3. a Mike Wazowski doll

Right now you are:
1. typing
2. sipping iced tea
3. half-listening to CNN

Three facts about you:
1. I'm Filipino.
2. I currently weigh 110 pounds -- ten pounds more than my usual weight.
3. I have black hair.

Three things you plan to do before you die:
1. learn another language
2. travel around Europe
3. quit smoking

Three things you can do:
1. touch-type
2. bike
3. move my ear

Three Things You Can't Do:
1. cartwheel
2. somersault
3. handstand

Three Famous People You Want To Meet:
1. the Dalai Lama
2. Pope JP2
3. Larry King

Top 3 songs people should give a listen: aww, there are so many! I'll just randomly choose 3.
1. Marvin Gaye's "What's Going On?"
2. Bach's "Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring"
3. Buklod's "Kanlungan"

Update: Lyrics of Kanlungan here

Top 3 movies you watch all the time:
1. Before Sunrise
2. One Christmas break, I watched Some Kind of Wonderful more than ten times.
3. If I had a copy of it, I'd watch When Harry Met Sally again and again.

Top 3 things you say the most:
1. Shiyeeet!
2. Awwww!
3. Ohmigosh!

[ link | ]

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5:01 PM

Dinners and conversations.

Wednesday night, with Sir E, M, and some sophomores, a few of whom were my friends.

Last night, with A and MdJ ... then drinks with G.

Life is good. :)

[ link | ]

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1:33 PM

I am slacking off ....

I could (and should) be checking papers. But valkyrie's blog has gotten me in a quiz-answering mood.

My Spirit Animal is the Wolf!

Cycle of Power: Year Round - Full Moons - Twilight

Aspects: Guardianship, Loyalty, Leadership, Ritual and Spirit.

Click here
to discover your spirit animal!

This test made by Celtic_Shamanes

Whatever that means. I like wolves. :) Okay, maybe not in "person." But the idea of being a wolf, I like.

[ link | ]

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1:05 PM

And I haven't listened to this one ....

[ link | ]

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1:01 PM

I am John.

Take the Which Beatle Are You? Quiz.

[ link | ]

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11:04 AM

Auld Lang Syne

Does anyone know what the words "Lang" and Syne" mean? Hmmm ....

_________

I spent December 30th and 31st at Lake Caliraya with M's family. It was just fantastic! Warm sun and chilly wind ... beautiful landscape. M gave a bit of a windsurfing lesson. And the food that M's parents made was just fantastic; I never thought that I'd spend a camping trip eating like a queen. And the night was gorgeous: it was a blue moon, and M and I walked around, soaking in the beauty. Pretty close to perfection.

The drive to and from Caliraya was fantastic as well. M kept pointing out beautiful, beautiful landscapes to me .... (Thanks, M, for keeping my wonder alive.)

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New Year's Eve dinner and media noche was at my grandmother's house. Auntie W stuffed us with scrumptious food.

I've gained ten pounds this season. I'm not kidding; I weighed myself this morning. Time to keep my pact with A and start jogging regularly.

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A few weeks ago, Solace asked each of us in our barkada to give her the lyrics of the song that we think best describes the year 2001. I had a bit of trouble at first thinking of a song, but while M and I were riding the bus from Baguio, the song popped into my head. We were going down North Expressway, watching the dawn break through the clouds, and my mind dug up a song from the XS-ICA Days with the Lord: "First Break of Light." (According to D, Unc wrote it.) I'm not too sure about the lyrics, but this is what my memory has reconstructed:

Funny how the world can be so cold.
Sit around and watch the cold wind blow.
But we don't mind if the songs don't rhyme;
We've got each other; that's all we need.

No matter where the winds may blow,
With every step our love will grow.
And we'll watch as time goes by,
And we'll count all the stars that shine at night,
And together we'll watch the first break of light.

2001 was a very eventful year for me. The political turmoil of the first 5 months of the year. My inner confusion at the time. The three months I spent in the U.S., connecting with myself and with my loved ones in new ways. Coming home and getting in touch once agani with some of my dearest friends. Realizing how happy and centered I feel. And finding love in the most--ahem!--unexpected places.

Life is very good. And I feel so filled with wonder.

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