Most letters have been supportive. Many people have found the letters opportunities to speak up about other related concerns: the disproportionate amount of support being given to all the other varsity teams, for example.
Some letters have been along the lines of: "I agree with the principle of what you said, but ...." Some people have complained about the form or the timing of what I said, or have disagreed with particular details. I certainly have no complaints about those; dialogue, after all, is always good, and I'm glad to hear opinions that differ from mine.
A few have been in complete disagreement, including one from an alumnus of the 50s/60s who implied that we were being self-righteous pompous assholes, and then went on to bash DLSU to high heavens, and called today's Ateneans losers for not doing the same thing.
Sigh ....
Oh, we even got a letter from a Lasallite who said he admired the Atenean sense of integrity and honor (or something like that). :) That was cute.
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At any rate, I think I'd be destroyed right now if it weren't for: (1) M, (2) my family, (3) my friends, (4) Sir E, and (5) my students.
In my years of teaching, I never really seriously considered pursuing a different career.
But the events of the last two days have, at the very least, given me some liberty in allowing myself to fantasize: What if I weren't here? What if I were doing something else? What would I like to be doing?
Hmmmm ....
I like this feeling. I like the knowledge that if I wanted to do something else, I actually could.... :)
(Hmmm, am I proving once again my inability to commit to a career? Uh-oh .... :P )
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By the way, bon voyage to maan, who is taking a quick trip to Singapore.
1. What are your favorite ways to relax and unwind?
Sleep, watch TV, catch a movie, read a book, bum with M, get a massage. If I have the time: go out of town. If I'm distressed about something in particular, write down what I'm feeling, or call someone up to talk and/or gripe.
2. What do you do the moment you get home from work/school/errands?
Put down my bag. (Or, as E used to call it, my boulder.)
3. What are your favorite aromatherapeutic smells?
I don't use them.
4. Do you feel more relaxed with a group of friends or hanging out by yourself?
Either-or, no difference. Unless the group of "friends" are people I don't really know that well (in which case they aren't really friends, are they? :/ ).
5. What is something that you feel is relaxing but most people don't?
Teaching, believe it or not. If I have a lot of things on my mind, or I'm stressed about tasks I have to do, teaching cheers me up and relieves the stress.
A few additional thoughts about the basketball issue.
I do think that educators' primary role should be to form their students.
What happens when ...
(1) teachers and administrators become enamored by their school's basketball players and no longer see these players as students? How does this change their own role as the students' formators? How does this affect the players themselves? And how does this affect other students?
(2) alumni benefactors begin to see these players as investments?
(3) alumni fans begin to see these players as entertainers?
My main question for this evening is: Are we still prioritizing the players' formation as students over anything else, or is our behavior as a community compromising their formation?
Nice day; was able to take my mind off my school-related woes.
M and I went to the cemetery first, then we had lunch in Riverbanks and did a bit of shopping while we were there. It was my first time in the mall, and I was impressed with how cheap everything was! They were outlets of branded clothes--Guess, Nike, etc.--and everything in those stores was incredibly cheap. M was able to buy two Nike shirts for about a third of the original price.
After that, we met up with one of M's high school friends and his girlfriend. We went to the mall, did some window shopping, and had dessert.
Then we hung out here at my house.
Later tonight after dinner, my house is going to become an RPG site. The boys are going to have a D&D session. Cute. :)
So there, I'm feeling much better.
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I also got a few very comforting texts from a few friends today. :P
I feel like throwing up, my heartbeat is irregular, I just want to stay in bed and sleep all day.
I feel betrayed and abandoned.
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My family, M, and a few of my friends have been showering me with an outpouring of love and support.
My mom was saying she's proud of me, and that I'm so courageous. (Funny thing is, I wasn't feeling courageous when I wrote what I did. I just wanted to say what was on my mind at the time.)
In fact, Fr. N called me courageous too (maybe because I was crying uncontrollably by that time).
Well, if I'm so fucking courageous then why did I get a talking-to?
I kept asking Fr. N, "Why am I here?" and towards the end of our conversation he said, "I just want to prepare you for the negative reactions you're going to get from people."
Well, I've checked my mailbox a gazillion times since yesterday. Thing is, I haven't gotten any major flak from anyone, so I feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. I'm overtaken by paranoia right now, thinking, "Well, if people are so upset, as Fr. N was implying they are, then why aren't they saying anything? Are they just waiting for the right moment? Do they not plan on telling me what they think at all, and does everyone at school just silently hate my guts or completely disrespect me right now?"
I'm dreading Monday, and I've never dreaded a schoolday in my entire life--not as a teacher and not as a student.
I wish that those "negative reactions" that Fr. N would come already, so I can deal with them and move on with my life.
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Maybe that's it. I didn't know I was being courageous. Courage is the ability to face a foe, and I didn't think I had any foes. I just wanted to speak my mind, to say to the community, "Hey, guys! Maybe we should double-check whether we have our priorities straight!" That's all. I wasn't trying to be heroic or courageous or anything to that effect. I just wanted to say what I thought, and I thought I was talking to friends while I was saying it. Friends, after all, are people you know you can trust.
But now, people are talking to me as if I were David preparing to battle Goliath. (Not that I fancy myself being anyone great like David, but you know what I mean.) Either that, or they're looking at me strangely and not talking to me at all.
So I'm suddenly thinking, "Why? What have I done? What did I say that was so wrong? What did I say that should suddenly cause some giant to come out and start beating me up? Why are my closest friends acting like I have a huge battle ahead of me? That wasn't what I signed up for ...."
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So now, I suddenly feel like there's no one in school I can trust anymore. Well, except for Jo-ed and the one other person who has actually told me what she thinks. In the meantime, the faces of people flash through my head and I keep thinking, "Okay, so is he Goliath? Is he Goliath? What about that person--could he be it?" I keep thinking of all the people I respect and whose opinions matter to me. Fr. N was one of those people, and now I'm wondering who's next ... who the next person to "summon me to his office" shall be.
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I really just want to run away from the whole thing. I'm not a fighter. I'm just someone who likes to be upfront about what she thinks. That's all.
And it isn't helpful, either that I don't know my enemy. Fr. N seemed to be saying I said something seriously wrong in my letter, but at the same time he couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was. I kept asking, "So what are you saying? What are you trying to tell me? What is wrong with my letter?"
How can I understand why people are mad at me, if the herald of bad news can't even explain to me what it was that made them mad?
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This sucks. After everything that's happened, the ideal thing to happen would be for someone in that damn school--someone higher up whom I respect--could tell me that he agrees with me and that I did the right thing.
But from what Fr. N said to me in his office, I guess that isn't going to happen.
I am getting many responses from people saying I made sense, saying they agree with what I said--at least in principle, but all these responses come from my peers, from people my age.
I guess beneath it all I'm still a little girl craving for adults' approval.
But right now, after that talking-to, I feel that the adults are looking at me disapprovingly, their heads shaking in disappointment. And the thing is ... I DON'T FUCKING KNOW WHY!!!!!!!!
This is another reply I wrote to a reaction. This one, I DID send:
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Hey ___! Thanks. :)
Wow, I probably am getting a really bad rep for being a killjoy, aren't I? Heheh! Oh well, I'm a teacher by profession so medyo sanay na ako sa pagiging killjoy. ("Ma'am??? May quiz???? Wag naaaaa!!!!!!") hehehe! joke lang! :)
About the quotation marks ... well I didn't really sit and ponder the subject line of my e-mail when I fired it off. I guess I just wanted to attract attention to what I wrote, and make people ask questions. If the subject had simply said ATENEO VICTORY, hindi sila mawa-warning-an na hindi puro ra-ra-ra yung laman ng e-mail ko. So I guess by putting the word in quotation marks, I also hoped to warn readers that if they didn't want cold water thrown on them, they shouldn't read the e-mail just yet. ;)
But certainly, I agree with you, it was a victory and a cause for celebration. I didn't give into the administration's pressure to call a free cut, but I DID let my students out earlier than usual so they could at least catch the second half. I myself rushed to the department right after class, and postponed going to the bathroom just so I could catch every second of the game. And at the end of the game, after that shot was blocked, I was jumping up and down like everyone else, and I even ran back and forth the second floor Dela Costa corridor in celebration. It was a great game, a great day, a great cause for joy (and I'm looking forward to Sunday!).
But I guess it's just the teacher in me that's more than a little concerned with the quality of the Ateneo crowd during the games lately. During the one game that I watched (which was against DLSU), there was a 30+ man sitting in front of us shouting invectives and flashing his middle finger in the air, right with his little six-year-old (approximately) son sitting beside him. There was a 30+ man standing behind us yelling the worst curse words you could hear, until his face was red (I seriously thought he was going to get a heart attack!) ... right beside his Lasallite wife, who was just sitting meekly beside him (man, I would've been embarrassed if I were her!).
During the ADMU-UE game, I was told, the Atenean students were yelling, "Squatter!" and "Squwaking!" at the UE crowd During the halftime cheerdance, they were shouting, "Umuwi na kayo! May trabaho pa kayo!" When UE was singing their alma mater song, students were yelling, "Bilisan n'yo na! Wala na kayong makukuhang dyip!" Years ago, we scoffed at DLSU for flashing that "Tuition nyo, baon lang namin" sign, yet here we are today, doing the same thing.
Finally, according to an alumnus from the ateneogenx egroups, after Game One: "When all of Ateneo was cheering the claimed victory, a mob of Ateneans, some of which I believe was part of the winning team, swarmed around the player who was denied the winning shot for La Salle. From what I was able to witness, I can say that it wasn't a good sight. It was revolting. Instead of shaking the loser's hand in sportsmanship, the Ateneans instead shouted in his face, gave him degrading hand symbols, and continued to mock him amidst his personal despair in the depths of his disappointment....
"It was a stark contrast to what the same player did when La Salle saw its winning streak broken by Ateneo. The same player, in his defeat, shook the hands of the victors....
"To illustrate and make it clearer, let us say that Gecgec Chia did not make that shot that sealed UE's fate and overtime ensued with the result of Ateneo losing. How would people feel if the UE players swarmed around Gec and mocked him? It would take away the soul out of any sane spectator of the game. The thought surfaces. If people could not act as true sportsmen in the games we play, what more in the bigger game, that of life? What would profit a man if he gained the world and lose his soul in the process?"
Thing is ... I don't remember things ever being this bad when I was in college, or even in my last few years out of college. I've watched at least one game in Araneta every year, and in the past I always took pride in the fact that most of our players and the crowd in general were sportsmen. But this year, the images I saw just sickened me. Nakakawalan nang gana manood ng game.
And the thing is, I have to remind myself: I teach these kids. One-tenth of one batch are in my class. So if this is a trend (as it appears to be) in what the Atenean is becoming, there must be something seriously wrong with what I'm doing.
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Now, the crowd at the games is one thing, but what goes on in between games is another. I've been disgusted at the reports that some Ateneo alumni (the older, more powerful ones) have resorted to offering cars to potential rookies. I hope that these reports aren't true, but if they are, then something ought to seriously be done.
Nor do I appreciate the barrage of memos that have been sent to the faculty pressuring us to make adjustments for one varsity team among many.
These things are of course much more serious and I hope that the school community has the balls to actually talk about these issues and decisively do something about them.
But at the same time, it gives some perspective on why the Atenean students today are acting the way they do when they attend games. Kids, after all, learn by example, don't they ...?
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Anyway. It is not my intent to detract from the victory of our team. Sorry if my first essay sounded that way. I simply am asking that our victory becomes the kind of victory that it should be. A victory of sportsmanship, a victory of character.
THEN, I think, the games will be all the more enjoyable; and the victory, all the more sweet.
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At any rate, thanks again for your reaction, ____. :) Just a friendly exchange of ideas. One big fight! :)
Checked my mail. I've received many reactions to my essay. Some agreeing with me, some implying that I'm overreacting. One came from a complete stranger (fellow alumna), congratulating me (and another colleague who wrote a similar reaction) for having the balls to bring up the topic. That one in particular helped me to feel better after today's emotional low at school.
Well, right now I just feel relieved that people are actually talking about the topic. I mean, whether or not they agree with me, I guess the important thing is that people are actually discussing something which so often seems to be an anathema topic.
I drafted a reply to one person who didn't agree with me. After writing the whole thing, I decided not to send it and just mailed a short, "Thanks," instead. But I think my draft pretty much sums up what I feel right now, so let me post it here:
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Dear ____,
Thanks for your reaction.
The tone of my essay, I am told, was quite harsh. I do apologize for any unwarranted severity on my part. The essay was written while I was still in an emotional state, only an hour after the game, and was a result too of many months of bottled-up frustration. If there was anything in my essay unnecessarily offensive, or insufficiently meditated upon, I am sorry.
I do, however, stand by the spirit of what I wrote. Over the past few months, the atmosphere of the Ateneo community (which includes both people working or studying in the school as well as alumni) has left me wondering, sometimes, how much of what we as a community do is still consciously "directed purely to the service and praise of His Divine Majesty." Too often, we use as a cliche, the phrase, "Ad majorem Dei gloriam." I cannot help but wonder, sometimes, how much of our behavior and how much of what we do really is for God's greater glory, or whether there is, at the very least, the attempt to remind one another about our "First Principle and Foundation" as an Ignatian institution.
I will use a very simple example: the quest for glory. How much in our quest for basketball glory springs from a desire to glorify God, and how much springs from a desire to glorify ourselves? The difference is often too small too notice, but I think it is crucial to our character as a community that we recognize that difference. If, for example, we do win a game, how does our behavior genuinely glorify God? Simply appending the Song for Mary at the end of a game does not necessarily make our behavior during the game a true prayer, especially since the loudest words we usually shout during the song are "It's the school we choose."
(I have just read another comment on Game One, posted on the ateneogenx egroups by another alumnus, Gian Aguinaldo. Excerpts: "... what disturbed me the most was what happened after the game more than what happened before.... When all of Ateneo was cheering the claimed victory, a mob of Ateneans ... swarmed around the player who was denied the winning shot for La Salle. From what I was able to witness, I can say that it wasn't a good sight. It was revolting. Instead of shaking the loser's hand in sportsmanship, the Ateneans instead shouted in his face, gave him degrading hand symbols, and continued to mock him amidst his personal despair in the depths of his disappointment.... The thought surfaces. If people could not act as true sportsmen in the games we play, what more in the bigger game, that of life? ... What would profit a man if he gained the world and lose his soul in the process?")
Let me clarify, I am not washing my hands of the situation. I have been to games; I have been part of the cheering, jeering crowd.
And I do recognize that a game is, well, a game; that games generate the kind of excitement that give some license to behavior that would otherwise be inappropriate. (I do recognize, then, the risk I am putting myself in of coming off as a nitpicking killjoy. :P ) But I do also wonder whether we should draw a line somewhere already. I do wonder whether there are some acts which we should not simply leave unnoticed, which we should not simply keep silent about.
By all means, let's sit back, enjoy the game, celebrate the hard work that the team and the entire community has put into this season's men's basketball series. By all means, let's even pray that we do win; St. Ignatius would probably understand. I know that I for one will certainly will be glad if we finally win a championship.
But regardless of whether we do, I do hope that after, as I said, the basketball games are over and the cheering has ended, we can stop, look back, and examine (as St. Ignatius so often reminded) our behavior as a community these past several months. I do hope that we (myself included) can collectively look at our behavior during the games, our behavior in preparation for the games, and our behavior in reaction to the games, and ask with a spirit of humble indifference for the grace to see our behavior as God has seen it, and for the grace to do in the future nothing less than God's Most Holy Will.
Sincerely,
(signed)
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There. That's the letter I did not send.
You know, throughout this whole experience, a particular memory has been recurring.
This happened when I was still working in media production. Our team was assembling the night's episode, and the particular segment that we were assembling was about population control. The image on the screen was one of people fitting dildos with condoms. (Digression: Imagine the hits I'm going to get for that last sentence!)
I was a little horrified that we were going to show people putting condoms on dildos. A little uncharacteristic of me, admittedly, because I don't think of myself as a prude. But I was simply uncomfortable with the thought of having so many images of dildos on free TV .... I expressed my discomfort, but nobody else in the room seemed to be as scandalized as I was. So finally I said, "Okay, never mind. Maybe it's just me."
But at that my boss looked at me. She didn't agree with my prudishness, but she said, "No, we can't just say 'never mind.' There are five people in this room right now, and you comprise one fifth of us. Even though you're the only person who feels this way, it's possible that you represent one fifth then of the population. That means that there are going to be people out there, watching, who will feel uncomfortable, and we have to take that into consideration."
I was struck by the wisdom of what she said, and I never forgot it. Never trivialize anyone's opinion, even if that person is in the minority. Because that person may be representative of a much larger minority than you think.
I hope I've learned from my boss' words.
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So what does that episode have to do with all this?
Well, over the past 24 hours, I've felt rather alienated because of people's reactions to what I wrote. One of my few comforts has been the fact that there are people--no matter how few--who have expressed their agreement with me, J, and M.
Maybe we are in the minority, and maybe we are being killjoys. But at the very least, perhaps our letters have given them a voice and have expressed what they otherwise would not have expressed. And if they do that much, then writing those letters will have been worth it.
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In the meantime, my family too has been great with their expressions of support .... :)
So I kinda got into trouble for the essay I wrote. Sorta kinda trouble. I got a "talking to" by someone-in-power. I won't go into details because I promised not to make our conversation public. But I need to vent, so I'll just share the gist (this is just among friends, okay?).
The first two points he brought up were, I think, valid. Mea culpa, mea maxima culpa.
But for most of the hour, he was talking about the tone of my essay, but I couldn't really understand what he was trying to say. I kept asking him, "What are you trying to say? What are you saying is wrong with what I wrote?" (respectfully, of course), but I really couldn't understand. I got really upset and started crying (wimp that I am). I told him it felt like he was reprimanding me for writing that letter, but he said that that wasn't what he was doing ....
I dunno .... Actually he was really nice. But I was really upset. I thought that I was prepared to face whatever flak I would get from the essay, but for some reason, what he said in that room upset me in a way I didn't anticipate. I'm not sure exactly what about it upset me: I think the fact that I couldn't understand what he was saying. He seemed to be reprimanding me, but insisted that he wasn't .... Hindi ko talaga maintindihan.
M, fortunately, was in school, because he had a talk earlier that day, and he was waiting for me outside the office. Afterwards, M asked me, "What happened? Why are you crying?" And all I could say was, "I don't know! I don't know why I'm here! I don't know why I was summoned to this office!"
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Anyway, I feel so tired. In one of my worse moments today, I felt like I wanted to resign from my job. I kept thinking--wow, if this were just a job, it would be so easy to walk away from a company I no longer like. Of course, that's just the upset me talking and I probably won't do it over something like this.
But still ... I feel upset. Disappointed. And a host of other feelings I can't exactly put a finger on right now.
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M, I love you! Thanks for being there for me!!! Mwah! :)
We won Game One against our archrival De La Salle today, but at what cost?
At the beginning of the game, a member of the Blue Babble Batallion, pride and joy of Ateneo, bearer of the Ateneo spirit, demonstrated in thirty seconds the depths that Ateneo de Manila has sunk to in the past several months. To my shock, and to the shock of my fellow alumni, he intoned in a mocking voice that carried over the crowd in the Araneta Coliseum and through the airwaves, "Dear God, we know it's our time. Please bless us as we claim ... OUR VICTORY!"
The act was repulsive. Shameful. Blasphemous. And yet for some reason, I am not surprised. That young man's prayer is simply a symptom of everything ugly that Ateneo has become in the past few months. Reports of alumni luring a potential rookie with the gift of a car; students calling an opposing school "squatter" and other class-ist invectives at a game; teachers being asked to "consider" varsity basketball players' absences from class ....
_____
I have heard many lofty words over the past few weeks, words like "glory," "honor," and "character."
But if someone among us bothered to dust off an old copy of the Spiritual Exercises, he would find the instruction that St. Ignatius left us on what true glory and honor are:
"Man is created to praise, reverence, and serve God our Lord, and by this means to save his soul. The other things on the face of the earth are created for man to help him fulfill the end for which he is created. Hence, man is to make use of them insfoar as they help him in the attainment of his end, and he must rid himself of them insofar as they prove a hindrance to him.
"Therefore, we must make ourselves indifferent to all created things, as far as we are allowed free choice and are not under any prohibition. Consequently, as far as we are concerned, we should not prefer health to sickness, riches to poverty, honor to dishonor, a long life to a short life. The same holds for all other things. Our one desire and choice should be what is more conducive to the end for which we are created."
I began teaching at the Ateneo with the understanding that THIS tradition--of humble surrender to the Almighty--is the tradition that our university carries, that THIS is the tradition that we bear witness to our students, that THIS is the spirit by which we form them. I hope that after the basketball games have ended and the cheers have died out, it still is.
The faculty members were given a memo today, with a request for our "consideration" with regard to varsity men's basketball players' absences during this week, as they prepare for the finals.
The school has also been "strongly urged" to support the team and watch Game 1. Individual faculty members have been given "the option not to meet their classes" tomorrow for game 1.
I don't know if I'm being KJ, but there seems to be something seriously wrong with this picture. I haven't given the situation careful thought yet, but off the top of my head, I have a few questions:
(1) What ever happened to our school policy of NOT distinguishing between students' excused and unexcused absences? How am I supposed to explain to my student that she was not excused from class when she went home to attend her father's funeral a few months ago, but that a varsity player is going to be excused from class so that he can practice for a basketball game?
(2) Why are we singling out the men's basketball team in particular? If we are going to make this school policy, them maybe we should give out free cuts during football finals, during fencing finals (where we actually win), during rifle and pistol shooting finals (where we also win), during tennis finals. Why don't we celebrate the "courage and character" of the baseball team, who has won for the first time in several years, by calling off classes to ask the entire school to attend THEIR game?
(3) What ever happened to our Ignatian spirituality, the third degree of humility, choosing humiliation over glory?
Actually, it's not so much the actual calling off of classes that pisses me off. It's the hypocrisy with which it is done. Don't tell me that all this is because we're celebrating "teamwork, character, and courage." If you really want to celebrate "teamwork, character, and courage," be consistent with your policy and celebrate every teams' entry into the finals.
Why can't we just call a spade and spade and say, "Let's call classes off because we all love basketball and we want to watch the game." Why can't we just call a spade and spade and say, "We want you to give basketball players free cuts, but not other varsity players, because basketball players are more precious to the generous alumni donors." For crying out loud, give it to me straight and don't bother couch it in lofty ideals.
Sleepy today. Attended M's kabarkada's birthday dinner and got home at around 1 in the morning last night.
And I didn't sleep right away .... Read seven chapters of Ender's Gate, a book that M recommended. I only meant to read a chapter, but two hours later, I was still reading. I only stopped because it was 3 in the morning already.
I woke up at around 9:30, and the first thing I did was to pick up the novel and finishing reading it. Finally finished the book at eleven ....
So there. Sleepy me .... I had a nap after brunch, but I'm still a little groggy.
... from now, it will be the 30th anniversary of Martial Law. (11:45 pm as I start typing this ....)
Well, not really. People only found out that Martial Law had been declared midnight of the following day, after a day of no TV, no radio, and (as expected), lots of crazy rumors.
When Marcos came on TV on Sept. 22, he told the country that he had declared Martial Law the day before.
Sigh ....
Our country (as an independent country) is really so young ....
... Yet with so much painful history already ....
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Meanwhile, I know ought to be slightly more concerned about the situation in Iraq. (The German something-or-another, and the Russian defense minister have both spoken live on CNN in the past 30 minutes.) For some reason, I'm not. I'm just slightly pissed ... and slightly resigned to the possibility that some world leaders are probably going to botch something up ....
Am I such a cynic?
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Oh, M got two pairs of new shoes today. :P And another one bites the dust ... one of his friends just got engaged. (And this time, I shall prevent myself from going into a, "We're getting so old ...!" reflection ....)
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Sigh. Why can't Philippine politics be like German politics. Issues-oriented. People believe in the system. People take the system seriously.
But then again ... Germany is a much older country. Technically, the Philippines as a republic is only 50 years old (more or less). I mean, what were the European countries like when they were only 50 years old?
(Of course, you could also ask, what will Singapore be like when it turns 50 ... but don't answer that ....)
1. Would you say that you're good at keeping in touch with people?
Not really. :P I have a habit of disappearing for months at a time ....
2. Which communication method do you usually prefer/use: e-mail, telephone, snail mail, blog comments, or meeting in person? Why?
E-mail, I like, because you can write at your own time and at your own leisure. And the other person can read at his/her own time and at his/her own leisure. No one is rushing to get to an appointment ....
Snail mail, I miss. People should start writing letters again. Hand-written ones. Nothing beats a hand-written, carefully thought out letter that you can actually keep in a tangible box.
Blogs and blog comments for quickie updating. I like feeling relatively updated with my friends' lives, even if I haven't seen them in awhile, and I like knowing that my friends can be relatively updated with my life even they haven't seen me in awhile.
Meeting in person is always the best way to keep in touch with closest friends. Unfortunately, it isn't always easy, given busy schedules and different timetables.
Texting is super-useful for simple "just saying hi," or short "reminding you I'm still alive" messages.
Telephone? As in, real landline phone? Not much anymore ....
3. Do you have an instant messenger program? How many? Why/why not? How often do you use it?
My ICQ and Yahoo! Messenger are busted, because I had my hard disk reformatted and something went wrong. Haven't really had the time to fix it.
4. Do most of your close friends live nearby or far away?
My immediate family (who of course, are also my friends) are all abroad. We keep in touch mostly through e-mail, plus occasional phone calls, text messages, and instant messaging.
Chiqui and Jerome are in the U.S.
Karen lives in Pampanga.
Most of my other close friends are in Metro Manila.
5. Are you an "out of sight, out of mind" person, or do you believe that "distance makes the heart grow fonder"?
Depends. If the friendship is strong and deep--built on a genuine meeting of souls rather than a dynamic of mere dependence or "mutual utility"--distance and time do not matter. You can not talk for years, and then when you finally do talk, it's like no day has passed. I have a few friends whom I only really get to talk to once or twice a year, yet I am assured that we are friends for life, and when we do talk, we are still as close as ever.
As a matter of fact, my friendships with many of my best friends and oldest friends are like that. Gen and I, for example, will not see one another for months ... more than a half a year, at times ... yet that doesn't change our friendship.
With not-so-close friends, it's more difficult. Constant communication can help, but it's still hard.
And then again ... there are simply some friendships, which, for some mysterious reason, cannot survive distance, regardless of how close you two once were. I'm not really sure why .... It's sad, really.
I've gotten a number of hits from people looking for lyrics to Buklod's (i.e., Noel Cabangon's) Kanlungan. Cool. :)
Just in case someone stumbles upon this page looking for them, here they are:
KANLUNGAN
pana-panahon ang pagkakataon
maibabalik ba ang kahapon?
natatandaan mo pa ba,
nang tayong dalwa ang unang nagkita?
panahon ng kamusmusan
sa piling ng mga bulaklak at halaman
doon tayong nagsimulang
mangarap at tumula
natatandaan mo pa ba,
inukit kong puso sa punong mangga
at ang inalay kong gumamela
magkahawak-kamay sa dalampasigan
malayang tulad ng mga ibon
ang gunita ng ating kahapon
ang mga puno't halaman
ay kabiyak ng ating gunita
sa paglipas ng panahon bakit kailangan ding lumisan?
pana-panahon ang pagkakatao
maibabalik ba ang kahapon?
ngayon ikaw ay nagbalik
at tulad ko rin ang iyong pananabik
makita ang dating kanlungan
tahanan ng ating tula at pangarap
ngayon ay naglaho na
saan hahanapin pa?
lumilipas ang panahon
kabiyak ng ating gunita
ang mga puno't halaman
bakit kailangan lumisan?
pana-panahon ang pagkakataon
maibabalik ba ang kahapon?
lumilipas ang panahon
kabiyak ng ating gunita
ang mga puno't halaman
bakit kailangan lumisa?
pana-panahon ang pagkakataon
maibabalik ba ang kahapon?
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I also got a hit from someone searching for information about "shortage Singapore doctors." Interesting ....
I have a very bad cold--worst I've had in a long time. Hope it doesn't develop into the flu. The semester is nearing its end, so I can't really afford to be sick at the moment.
Meanwhile, yesterday's forum on Martial Law was very educational for me. The topic was "Kasaysayan, Pag-alala, at Tadhana" (in English, "History, Remembrance, and Destiny"). One of the questions that we explored was why we should remember Martial Law and how we should remember it.
G shared wonderful insights, based on Max Scheler's philosophy. G began by pointing out that that Marcos was not an abberation in Philippine history; rather he was a product of Philippine history and political systems that have existed since colonial times: systems built on patterns of oppression and self-serving motivations. Marcos, then, did not cause our country to be so screwed up; rather, he was a child of these systems who simply embodied their greatest weaknesses. Our task, then, as Filipinos, is to change those political systems.
This is where an appreciation of history becomes important. Max Scheler says that the persona (whether individual or collective) can only learn to recreate himself after he has experienced repentance for his past. In the case of Martial Law, the Philippines as a nation must learn to look at those events--among all the other events which were symptomatic of our deeper systemic problems--and experience repentance for them. Only then will we, as a nation, begin to recreate ourselves as a people, and begin to solve our political problems.
We were just talking about high schools in Metro Manila at the department a few days ago, so I it's serendipitous that this weekend's Friday Five is about school ....
1. What was/is your favorite subject in school? Why?
In high school: My freshman CLE class was good; we had a great teacher who taught us by way of basic exegesis, and by the end of the year, we had read almost the entire Old Testament. Asian Studies in sophomore year was also terrific: interesting and challenging. In third year, I had a number of great subjects. I loved my third year Filipino class, when we discussed Noli Me Tangere. My third year literature class was also terrific: our teacher helped us to really love Shakespeare! Oh, and Geometry was so much fun! In fourth year, Physics was my favorite subject.
In college: My introductory sociology class was one of the first genuinely mind-opening subjects I had. My symbolic logic class (a major class for Philosophy students) was terrific fun. I also loved my class in Early Philippine History (pre-nationhood Philipipne History). Because of that class, I have seriously considered, several times in my life since then, pursuing history as a second area of a research.
In third and fourth year college, the number of "favorite subjects" that I had increased dramatically because of my major classes. Since I loved my course, I enjoyed most of my major classes immensely. The most notable ones: Philosophy of the Human Person, Philosophy of Science, Philosophy of Religion, Ancient Greek Philosophy, Medieval Philosophy, and Heidegger. (I'm sure there are more, but those are the ones I remember of the top of my head.) Of my non-major courses, I enjoyed my Theology 131 and 141 classes a lot (Marriage and Commitment, and Liberation Theology, respectively).
2. Who was your favorite teacher? Why?
High school: Not many, but there were a few. Miss Tan, my freshman CLE teacher; Miss Baltazar, my Asian Studies teacher; Mrs. Ylagan, my third year Filipino teacher (who also taught my class Filipino in first year); Miss Que, my third year Literature teacher; Mrs. Llamzon, my World History teacher; and Mrs. Ico, my Physics teacher.
College: Oh wow, so many. Among those who taught my non-major subjects: Dr. Abad, Fr. Dacanay, Lore Aguilar, Fr. Lahiff (bless his soul!), and the ever-theatrical Robbie Galang. But my majors teachers were the ones who really challenged me and made learning as exciting as it was in college. Dr. Angeles, and Mr. Calasanz forced us to think, think, think!, with rigor, discipline, and passion. Fr. Ferriols taught me to make love to the text, grounded my philosophizing for the rest of my life, and helped me to see that a good philosopher is nothing if he is not a good person.
I think that most of my favorite teachers became my favorite teachers because they challenged me to work hard, to expand my mind and to derive joy out of learning itself. My favorite teachers were often among my most rigorous ones. Another trait common to many of my teachers was their ability to inspire me not just as a student, but also as a person.
On the other hand, I've always had little respect for teachers who allow and even encourage mediocrity. Unfortunately, many of my high school teachers were like that: training us students to achieve, but only within the rules and conventions of society, regardless of whether these conventions deserved to be questioned.
3. What is your favorite memory of school?
High school: My favorite memories are of the exciting events that broke the boring routine of high school. The school fairs, intramural games, class nights and class retreats .... High school was also, of course, about discovering the opposite sex (B-O-Y-S!). And of course, I loved lunches with my high school barkada. Working on the school paper was also fun, and taught me many skills that I still find useful today. And then of course, there was that top secret mystery of high school, DWTL.
College: Wow, so many. As you can see from my answers above, I loved the learning that took place in college (thanks to the course that I chose!). I loved the way my blockmates and I would spend days in front of Dela Costa and nights getting drunk in someone's dorm, taking those baby steps in learning to think with the great thinkers. That was philosophy at its most naive (and slightly pretentious--hehe!)--trying to relive symposia the way the ancient Greeks had done.
I loved being in ACLC, doing something I believed in, wrestling with my spiritual questions.
I loved mindless days filled with much belly-aching laughter, with the LHC.
4. What was your favorite recess game?
In grade school: Jackstones! Both Chinese and Western jackstones. And Japanese garter. I wasn't good at Chinese garter nor at most sports.
5. What did you hate most about school?
In high school ... I was dissatisfied with much of high school because the people who ran my school were narrow-minded prudes who didn't encourage us to challenge our own ways of thinking, and trained us to be competent but mediocre and unoriginal workers. I also didn't appreciate their attitude towards society in general. They seemed more intent on "protecting" us from the realities of society than on encouraging us to learn from them. They also seemed more intent on maintaining their "reputation" than on anything else, although the only reputation I think they successfully maintained was the reputation of being a school for sheltered spoiled brats who didn't know anything about the world. Our school actually had a clause, believe it or not, which prohibited students from being on television, from pursuing showbiz careers, or from being visible in any form of mass media for that matter. In retrospect, it was just a manifestation of a way of thinking that my school's administrators had that aimed at securing the school's role as an ivory tower completely removed from Philippine society and Philippine reality. That way of thinking can be summed up in one statement: "Philippines bad. __(Name of school here)__ good because it is not really part of the Philippines."
In college ... Hmmm. Nothing, really, to the level of "hate" or revulsion. But I was frustrated with the hours in freshman year spent on useless, mind-numbing required subjects that were simply repetitions of what we had studied in high school. Especially since many of those subjects were taught by teachers who didn't seem very eager to teach.
I realized, while watching the Sampras-Agassi replay, that I am roughly the same age now that Sampras and Agassi were at the height of their careers. Aargh .....
Me: "Do you realize, love, that we are the healthiest that we will ever be?"
M: "Don't remind me."
1. Where were you and what was happening in your life the moment when you first became aware of what was happening at the World Trade Center in New York City last September 11th? What was the first thing you did when you heard the news? I was vacationing in California at the time, and I was asleep when the first plane hit. My mom walked into the room and woke me up saying, "A plane crashed into the World Trade Center." I jumped out of bed and ran to the television set .... I watched as the second plane crashed into the other tower ....
2. When those truly responsible for the attack are apprehended, what do you think would be the most fitting form of justice?
Ooh, it's so much more complex than that. This isn't just a question of a single crime done by a single perpetrator to a single victim. This is a political issue. I don't think that putting it into the language that we use for typical crimes is appropriate.
3. How do you think the history books should present the 9-11 attacks? Should it be included for all future generations? How can we truly convey the shock, the outrage, the emotions and pain of that day to the children of our children?
I just read an article in the newspaper this morning discussing the problems that abound with considering 9-11 a "day that changed the world." From a scholarly point of view, I agree with the article. It was a shocking, horrible experience, I completely agree. But did it change history? Only time will tell. We don't know yet.
I'm answering this question from a perspective of someone who is not an American, who does not come from the rich side of the world, who does not come from the side of the world where people think, "This can never happen to us," because in our side of the world, things similar to 9-11 (albeit maybe lesser in intensity) happen all the time. Innocent people are constantly getting caught in the crossfire of wars not of their own making.
What I think ought to be conveyed to our children's children is a message of tolerance and the importance of a culture of dialogue, such that no one--whether American or Arab, Jewish or Palestinian, Irish or English--should ever have to suffer from such horrible acts of violence.
4. Did the events of 9-11 bring about a change in the way you live your life?
Hmmm .... I don't know. Perhaps it changed the way I THINK about life, but not necessarily the way I live it.
5. A year later, do you find yourself feeling more secure than back then? Or is it just a matter of time before something else happens?
9-11 was just the beginning of a new phase of a problem that has always been there.
The idea that runs through my head nowadays is this, "The U.S., the world's only superpower, has finally been dragged definitively into the rest of the world's fight against terror. That's scary .... Because it raises the intensity of the problem several notches."
It is just a matter of time.
6. What, if anything, will you do to personally reflect on the tragedy?
This is part of it, isn't it?
7. What image will you always have in your mind when you recall the events of 9-11?
The plane crashing into the second tower. The buildings collapsing. People running. People walking around with photos of their missing loved ones.
A friend of mine is in Singapore right now, taking a year of from college to participate in a study tour. He's been sending fascinating e-mail updates each week, telling us back home how he's doing. It's wonderful to hear that the trip is turning out to be such a mind-expanding experience for him.
I've always believed that people, while they are young, should never pass up on any opportunity to travel, not as tourists, but as students (whether formally or informally) of another culture. I think that the experience of allowing your previous ways of thinking to be challenged and expanded is an irreplaceable one.
My friend went to Singapore because one of his mentors--also a friend of mine--told him several months ago, "Why don't you do something crazy with your life?" :) I have a feeling that this "crazy" act just may turn out to be a life-defining experience for him. I'm really glad. :)
1. What is your biggest pet peeve? Why? One pet peeve is reading students' papers that begin, "According to Mr. Webster ...."
2. What irritating habits do you have? Making inappropriate sarcastic remarks. Smoking.
3. Have you tried to change the irritating habits or just let them be? I've cut down on smoking.
4. What grosses you out more than anything else? Why? Hmmm.... Lots of things. Including disgusting smells and squished dead animals on the street.
5. What one thing can you never see yourself doing that other people do? Working in an 8 to 5 job. Just kidding. :) Hindi dapat magsalita nang tapos .... :P
I received this morning a forwarded e-mail message from a disgruntled colleague from another department. He had been checking his students' papers and was mortified at their lack of grammatical skills.
Amen.
Our students are college juniors, some of whom have the English proficiency of grade two students. And these students are already among the brightest in the country ....
Living in this country should be a linguistic privilege, because most Filipinos have the opportunity to learn to speak three languages fluently: Filipino, English, and their local dialect. What is scary is that many of my students cannot speak any language fluently. They hobble along using a broken combination of Tagalog and English, and lose command of either language.
I am only eight years older than my students, yet I see the huge difference in language skills between my peers and their batch. I wonder why their competence in English has degenerated so.
(1) Check papers ...
(2) Prepare my talk for the 30th anniversary of Martial Law forum
(3) Attend the family dinner for my uncle's ninth day
Stressed and tired ....
Something to reflect on, though .... I had an insight at yesterday's prayer session after everyone finished sharing about how stressed they were feeling. When we feel stressed, we only need to remember that we are just the ministers, not the messiah. (Thanks, Archbishop Oscar Romero, for that reminder.)
(1) My bookfair purchases. :)
(2) Hanging out at Megamall today. It wasn't really "hanging out," but I actually like going to the mall every now and then (as long as I'm not forced to go there too often, and especially not on a crowded Sunday).
(3) Having a schedule that allows me to go to the mall on a weekday morning. :P
(4) Can I use one of my thanks for other people? I'm grateful that M's dad was able to find his computer table, and that M was able to buy so many web design books at such a low price.
(5) That yummy oyster with tausi dish that we had at lunch.
1. What's your favorite piece of clothing that you currently own? Ooh, tough one. I guess my white Bayo knitted shirt.
2. What piece of clothing do you most want to acquire? Simple. Yet another pair of jeans. :)
3. What piece of clothing can you not bring yourself to get rid of? Why? All those formal dresses from high school (sophomores' night dress, prom dress, etc.). Sentimental value?
4. What piece of clothing do you look your best in? Hmmm .... I dunno. I like that dirt-cheap-but-looks-expensive brown dress I got at Greenhills. :)
5. What has been your biggest fashion accident? Aaack! Single full pony-tails tied diagonally (a la Lorna T.) back in the late 80s. HORROR!!!! I shudder at the memory ....
Where are you on the political spectrum? Compare yourself to some famous political figures in history. I've actually taken this test before; I just don't remember whether I posted the link to this blog.
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Meanwhile, it's the Philippine Bookfair week this week. I'm especially excited this year, because I'm going with M, who will be visiting the bookfair for the first time. :) Whee! I love the fact that M actually reads more than I do. I think readers should have a special place in heaven, I swear. I've never met a reader who was an uninteresting person.
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Last weekend was a very busy, family-filled weekend. My uncle passed away last week, and M and I went to his wake on Friday night. The following day, we went to my cousin's wedding. The day after that, we attended my uncle's funeral. Sigh .... :(
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Meanwhile, this forced diet (due to my extracted tooth) is really cool. I've lost five pounds so far. I'm now the weight I was nine months ago. :) (Before I put on those Christmas pounds.) Yay, right in time for next Christmas (hehehe!).
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Finally: good luck to all my friends who are taking the bar this month (not that any of them even read this blog).
Comments by YACCS.
