Okay, so I wasn't able to blog again on Christmas Eve ....
Anyway ... Christmas Eve dinner and Noche Buena this year was at my grandmother's house. I've spent more than half my Christmases there ... and it pains me to think that Christmas there won't be the same after this year. My grandmother's house is the last residential spot on that now-commercial stretch of road. It was built right after the war ... and after 50 years, it is time to let some sentiment go in order to pave the way for, um, "progress." We're leasing the front portion of the lot to some guy who's planning to build a commercial buildling on. And though the house will still be standing, this marks the end of an era ....
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Christmas Day: After visiting the cemetery with Auntie W., I went straight to the Victory Liner terminal to ride a bus up to Baguio. The trip was great (except for a flat tire 10 minutes up the mountain). I spent the evening of the 25th and the whole of the 26th at M's grandfather's house along Marcos Highway. Wonderful, magical Christmas in freezing Baguio. We walked along Session Road, had ice cream, drove around John Hay, met up with some friends, and hung out ....
M, I love your gramps.
If I picked up any deep thought this Christmas, it has something to do with appreciating family and family history ... and staying in touch with where we all come from. I turned 25 this year ... a milestone age that makes me realize how short life is. I often tell my students to put the brevity of life in perspective: imagine, I say, just 70, 80 years from now, people will no longer remember your name. Unless you do something that makes you famous, you will just be a distant memory to your grandchildren and great grandchildren. All your problems, most of your thoughts, all the things you spend most of your time obsessing about, will have disappeared into thin air.
But what will remain? The relationships we make and the fruits of these relationships. The children you bear, the lessons you pass on, and, as corny as it may sound, the love you leave behind.
Two thousand years ago, a young girl and her husband made the long journey to a little town in Judea (Judea, was it?) and they bore a son whom they loved and whose love for the world surpassed all human love. And it made all the difference.
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Just a few days, and I go back to my regular schedule. School, work, studying .... But this has been a fantastic Christmas break.
M gave me a most wonderful, wonderful Christmas gift. Mike Wazowski ... and my yearbook write-up, done several times over. He asked some of my dearest friends to write something about me. And each page just makes me smile so wide.
Thanks, guys. I feel so loved today, and so lucky.
Thanks, M. You are so amazing. And I still don't have a gift for you ... aaack!!!!
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These past few days have been a bit exhausting. Party after party after party. But I am happy-tired.
I have something, and someone, good in my life. I have many somethings, and many someones, good in my life.
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solace wrote something on her PEx thread that I want to share:
"I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle in your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." -- from When Harry Met Sally
Here's to knowing all of each other's quirks. Here's to holding hands, stolen kisses, long drives (sometimes with me, sometimes without me :lol:) and jamming sessions.
I will fix my comments. Just not now. Tomorrow perhaps, or when I next have time.
Yesterday ... "office party" at school. Then I went to Simbang Gabi for the first time this year. Then I ran a last-minute errand for the AVP I wrote. Then I headed to another Christmas get-together--overnight, this time--at Discovery Suites.
Now, I'm taking a break from wrapping gifts. And I'm missing someone. (Hahaha, my comments don't work, so walang pwedeng humirit diyan!)
Tonight ... department party. I'm actually excited about tonight's party. And tomorrow's as well--I'm looking forward to seeing the ol' CLC gang again.
No deep thoughts today. I must get back to my gift-wrapping.... :)
Am at my old office, witnessing my former officemates go through the mad rush that precedes the airing of our show's weekly episode.
Looks like I have a mad rush of my own tonight. I'm writing a two-segment-long (four segments, actually, if you include the OBB and CBB) for one of the production company's shows (hey, doesn't hurt to make some extra cash this Christmas season), and I just found out today that the client wants a draft of the script tomorrow. Tomorrow?!?!?! I hadn't even watched the footage yet; when I came here last week, no one could find the tapes ... so I'm here to finally watch the footage.
Now, here's the problem. There's one series of extremely important shots that I was expecting to see ... but on the two tapes that D handed me, I couldn't find that footage anywhere. The only person who would know where that footage is, is K ... but I can't seem to reach K's cell phone, and her landline is out of order.
So ... what am I supposed to do? Ladeedah. Stress, stress, stress. It's 8:00 PM, according to this computer's clock. I have until tomorrow to figure out a way out of this problem and come up with a draft.
In my typical destressing defense mechanism way, I find myself surreally distancing myself from my self, and I'm actually finding the whole situation a little bit hilarious. Hilarious, and nostalgic. I'm remembering how this kind of stress used to be part of my daily fare ... just another day at PPI. This kind of stress was part of the reason why I left this job ... and yet it's also part of the reason why I loved this job.
And now for some discordant sentences ....
Ganns, your retelling of our, um, Megamall surprise was just hilarious. :)
I just overheard an old Pinikpikan song coming from the graphics room. One of every editor's favorites. The same Pinikpikan song I used (overused) for a story I did a few years ago.
Meanwhile, there are other un-share-able things on my mind ....
I have a loooong night ahead of me. Sigh! I guess this means I won't be able to make it to Simbang-Gabi at Ateneo. Darn.
Went to Pampanga today to visit K and her family. M, solace, and I drove over there from Manila, and E, R, and B met us there on their way back from Baguio. We had a delicious lunch, then the rest of the gang went ahead, but M and I stayed a few moments longer to chat with K. Nice afternoon. It's always a pleasure to hang with old friends.
The ride home was great. We left Pampanga at around 4:30 pm, so on the long drive back through the expressway, the sun was low in the sky, its deep orange rays bouncing off the car's hood. We drove through stretches of flatland dotted with trees and tiny houses that cast long shadows on the fields. We passed a man-made pond that a flock of large white birds had chosen to bathe in. It was the kind of afternoon you were glad to have off, and out there, more than an hour away from the dirt and grime of Manila, I felt happy happy happy.
Sometimes, life generously presents us pleasant surprises--nice afternoons, phone calls out of the blue from old friends, and other serendipitous discoveries that make us catch our breath for a moment and believe that there really is some greater force at work in the world. If we don't pay attention, those moments may pass us by without our noticing them.
These past few days, I'm glad I've been paying attention.
solace, I still haven't decided on my song yet. Hirap kasi ng one song lang for the whole year. But I keep coming back to "Little Help." I hope no one has chosen that yet.
Lunchbreak ... and we're going to have burgers delivered from Bite Club. Yipee! :)
I'm feeling Christmassy and wonder-full. The weather is nice and cool today. And when I got to the department, the sound of Pachelbel's Canon was coming from MM's cubicle. I should dig out that old Baroque tape that I made last year and listen to it again. Lovely put-me-in-the-mood-to-work music. Something I need, especially since I have three sets of quizzes waiting to be checked. (Tsk, tsk, tsk!) I resolve to get some serious work done this Christmas break. :) Must be disciplined.
But, ah, it's a Friday. :D Happy me! What a week this has been. In a very good way. :)
Now I wish those burgers would finally arrive .... :T
Christmas is when we celebrate the unexpected; it is the festival of surprises.
This is the night when shepherds wake to the song of angels, when the earth has a star for a satellite; when wise men go on a fool’s errand, bringing gifts to a king they have not seen in a country they did not know.
This is the night when one small donkey bears on his back the weight of the world’s desire, and an ox plays host to the Lord of heaven. This is the night when we are told to seek our King not in a palace but a stable; and although we have stood here, year after year, as our fathers before us, the wonder has not faded nor will it ever fade; the wonder of that moment when we push open the little door, and enter, and entering find in the arms of a Mother who is a virgin, a Baby who is God.
Chesterton has said it for all of us; the only way to view Christmas properly is to stand on one’s head. Was there ever a house more topsy-turvy than the House of Christmas, the Cave where Christ was born? For here, suddenly, in the very heart of earth is heaven; down is up and up is down; the angels and the stars look down on the God who made them and God looks up at the things he made. There is no room in an inn for Him who made room, and to spare, for the Milky Way; and where God is homeless, all men are at home.
We were promised a savior, but we never dreamed that God himself would come to save us. We knew that he loved us, but we never dared to think that he loved us so much as to become like us. But that is the way God gives. His gifts are never quite what we expect but always something better, something far better than we hoped for. We can only dream of things too good to be true; God has a habit of giving things too good to be false.
That is why our faith is a faith in the unexpected, a religion of surprise. Now more than ever, living in times so troubled, facing a future so uncertain, we need such faith. We need it for ourselves and we need it to give to others. We must remind the world that if Christmas comes in depth of winter, it is that there may be an Easter in the spring.
Just came from lunch at Angelino's with JB and MM. I had the lasagna verde, and the chocolate crepe for dessert. Angelino's lasagna verde was the first lasagna I'd ever tasted, back when I was probably around nine years old. Memories of grade school ... when the expensive "gimmick places" of choice were the establishments along Wilson. Back when Robinson's Galleria and Megamall were not yet in existence. And the only coffee place worth spending a lot of cash at was Dean's Street.
The comments on this blog aren't working today.
There's supposed to be a meteor shower tonight. But I don't know the details.
Prayer session in about an hour, and I'm not yet prepared. But we're entering the third week of Advent this Sunday; joyful, joyful, joyful. Good. I hope my "kids" are starting to get into the Christmas spirit. :) I was supposed to start working on my prayer material an hour ago, so I should really log off now, but before I do ....
I have butterflies in my stomach. In a major way. :) :) :)
Just came from 70s with M and A. Noel night. Again. :P Someone was flirting with A. :)
Made it through the day despite the fact that I didn't have much sleep last night. (Ahem.) How? By assigning group work to my students. Ahhh, the joys of my profession!
I am sitting here, staring at this computer monitor, with the smell of coffee wafting through the department.
Been sitting here for a few minutes, actually. And I'm not sure what to say.
I choose to be cryptic instead, and say nothing. I'll probably get a gazillion frustrated comments on this post (or maybe not), but to you guys who regularly read my blog (mostly the LHC), I'll just explain when we see each other. :)
I am sipping a glass of fantastic not-too-expensive red wine. Vichon Mediterranean Merlot 1998. After last Friday's disappointing table wine, this is just heavenly.
About wine. In this age of mass production ... it's comforting to know that there are some things in life which craftsmen and artisans still pour their hearts and souls into.
6:30 AM -- Wake up to the sound of my alarm clock ringing. Shut the alarm clock off. Roll over and go back to sleep.
7:30 AM -- Wake up to the sound of my second alarm clock (the one on my cell phone) ringing. Hit the snooze button. Go back to sleep.
7:40 AM -- Wake up. Hit the snooze button again. Go back to sleep.
7:50 AM -- Wake up. Shut the alarm clock off. Go back to sleep.
8:00 AM -- Wake up to my cell phone reminder alarm that has the message: "Panic! You have to be ready by 9:00 AM." Finally get up from bed. Brief trip to the bathroom for morning ablutions.
8:15 AM -- Slowly eat breakfast while reading the newspaper. Front page. Opinion page. And the front pages of the various sections.
8:40 AM -- Step into the shower. Ahhhh .... Finish off my other morning ablutions in the bathroom. Put on my work clothes.
9:00 AM -- I am finally fully awake. Ready and raring to go. Call a cab. Start thinking about my list of "to-do's" for the day.
9:30 AM (if I'm lucky) -- Cab arrives. Off to work. World, here I come!
shoot, i think i made a big booboo. i typed out this looooong blog entry on friday evening before leaving the office. and apparently, i forgot to publish it. or so it seems. because the entry is nowhere to be found. anyway, the entry was about college-life (which i miss dearly, though i'm also very happy where i am right now), and a bit more about how much i miss ballet.
but ahh well, such is life.
let's see. i'm going to work backwards. last night was Beatles Night at 70s. we got there rather late: 11:30 pm, by which time the place was jam-packed. but thanks to MM, who bumped into a student, we were able to get seats. :) we managed to catch this incredible band -- PLAKADONG-PLAKADO ANG TUGTOG! if only for their set, it was really worth it!!!!
before that, i was with some of the LHC. we met up with solace at QC sports. (solace, if you're reading this: *hugshugshugshugshugs*.) then we went to galleria to do a bit of window-shopping and to watch Monsters, Inc. (my second time.)
i've been talking about wonder in class. i recall a time, a few years ago, when i was feeling so tired with life. and then--i don't remember how exactly it happened; i think it was an insight that came to me during a prayer session--the thought occurred to me that my sense of wonder had been waning. and so i began to make a conscious effort to appreciate the little things once again. because the world IS so amazing ... it IS so beautiful ... and all we need to do is LOOK.
Walang tulay mula rito hanggang doon. Ngunit handa na ang lubid ng alaala-- tinirintas na mga piling panahon ng pagsasama sa kape at serbesa. Alam ko na, sa lubid ako'y kakapit pahigpit habang paglayo mo'y palapit. (Itong lubid na sa palad ay patalim gayong marupok at kaydaling mapatid!) At kapag wala na akong mahawakan bagsak ko'y sa pangako mong binitiwan-- salitang hindi nilubid sa buhangin karagatang panatag at anong lalim. Sisisid ako hanggang ubod ng dilim at kakapain doon, perlas na itim.
-- Jose Mario C. Franciso, S.J.
Today is a bit rainy. I was walking to Full House with EI awhile ago, for lunch, and I accidentally stepped in a puddle. Now my cargo pants have a few mud stains. Not too bad.
But apart from that ... I like today's weather. Nice and cool, and everyone is in a jacket. I was smoking in front of De la Costa, and the damp air made the university soundscape so much more fascinating. From De la Costa, I could hear the conversations of the students hanging out in the SS Foyer. I could hear the laughter in Colayco ....
I miss dancing ballet. The thought crossed my mind while I was smoking.
Anyway, more later ... the computer technicians need to fix the comp.
... is a WINNER movie!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Loved it, loved it, loved it, loved it, loved it.
Just got home, actually. But I'm not yet sleepy. Such is the life of a night owl. Dinner (Japanese), this WONDERFUL movie called Monsters, Inc. (have I mentioned that I loved it?), and a nice drive to Antipolo.
Oh, and by the way ... have you watched Monsters, Inc.? Great movie. I really LOVED it. Oh, sorry, I think I mentioned that already.
At Mass today, the priest (as expected), explained the meaning of Advent during his homily. He also spent some time explaining some of the liturgy and tradition that goes with Advent. Points that I took note of:
(1) The color violet. He said that violet is supposed to symbolize that the Church is dwelling on the gap between God and people caused by sin. Violet, he explained, is neither a color of joy nor of mourning; it is somewhere in between the two. At Advent (as with Lent), the Church is both sad and hopeful about this situation. (I like that thought. And I like the reminder that, as Church, we are concerned not just with one another but with all people.)
(2) The themes of the Advent liturgy. Two weeks to dwell on Christ's second coming, at the end of time. And then, two weeks to dwell on Christ's historical coming, in time, 2000 years ago. That explains, I guess, the sombre tone of the Gospel passage (which I remarked on earlier today).
(3) The theme of our lives as pilgrimage towards God. Which I already talked about earlier.
And the choir sang "O Come, O Come, Emmanuel!" :)
SV sent me a First Sunday of Advent greeting by text. It's a shame I erased it; I would've wanted to copy it to this page. It was something about how, as we light the first candle of the Advent wreath, we realize that amid the shadows that appear, there is hope. Nice thought, SV! Thanks. :)
I haven't read the book, but I found this article on The Gospel According To The Simpsons: The Spiritual Life Of The World's Most Animated Family interesting enough to look out for the book on my next trip to the bookstore.
And then of course there's Tolkien to think about.
Meanwhile ... I told myself a few hours ago that I would be in bed by 10:00 pm. Impossible feat, of course, but it was nice to wish. Jay Leno kept me up.
Advent "officially" begins today (the first Sunday of Advent). Today also marks the first week of the liturgical year. Before I log off, I just have a few scattered thoughts about it ....
I was checking the liturgical calendar and I found out that today's Gospel reading--the liturgical "New Year" reading, if you wish to put it that way--is not some happy-happy-joy-joy reading about the Incarnation of the Word, but Matthew 27:37-44, which is one of those "warning" passages about the unpredictability of the coming of the Son of Man, and about how we need to be prepared and watchful for it.
I don't have my missal with me (I left it at school), so I'm not sure about the Church's rationale for beginning the Advent liturgy on such a sombre tone. But if I may venture a guess ....
I think Catholics (and other Christians who follow the liturgical calendar--such as Episcopalians and, if I'm not mistaken, Presbyterians) too often forget that Advent is to Christmas what Lent is to Easter. The tradition of the Advent fast pretty much went out with Vatican II, but is still very much alive in the Orthodox Church ... and I wish it were still practised more widely, because I think it's an important reminder about the nature of Advent. Fortunately, there are a number of Advent traditions that help us to stay on track: In my university community, for example, Advent is marked by a series of Advent recollections. This, I think, is what Advent really is all about: a time set aside to recollect one's self as we ourselves to get in touch with the fact that, as Christians, we are not "home" until we are united fully with the Lord.
It seems that it's no longer fashionable, at least in the circles I belong to, to speak of Christianity in a "doomsday" fashion. The trend this past century has been to focus on "positive" spirituality, on the richness of sacramentality in its broadest sense: the awareness that God is present everywhere in the here and now. It's a great shift from the trend of Christian spirituality that was given more attention a few hundred years ago: a focus on the eschatological, on the time when we will need to face God and honestly make an account of what we have done with our lives.
Yet even within this trend of "positive" spirituality, we need to remember that where we are now is not our final destination. God created us to ultimately come into full union with Him. Our real home is not here, but our Father's House. And the world that we live in, while certainly shot with God's grandeur and goodness, is created not as an end in itself, but as a means to that ultimate, perfect union with God.
I remember a prayer session with my unit several years ago. The prayer material was the Incarnation, and after the prayer period, G shared a beautiful reflection that came as a fruit of her prayer. Part of the wonder of the Incarnation, she said, was that in deciding to be Incarnated as flesh and blood, God the Son dignified what it meant to be human; He dignified this temporal world. Since that prayer session, I've come to learn that this is a beautiful insight found again and again in the Eastern Rite tradition. Perhaps, with the Incarnation, God the Son began the process of restoring the contingency of this temporal world into its first perfection at the moment of Creation.
On a personal level, Advent reminds us of our own individual experiences of this metaphysical truth. Augustine translated that metaphysics into an existential cry of longing: "My heart is restless until it rests in Thee." Father Henri Nouwen points out that Paul expressed this same longing in his letter to the Philippians: "Life to me, of course, is Christ, but then death would be a positive gain. ... I am caught in this dilemma: I want to be gone and to be with Christ, and this is by far the stronger desire - and yet for your sake to stay alive in this body is a more urgent need."
I love Advent hymns more than Christmas carols, and my favorite English Advent hymn is "O Come, O Come, Emmanuel!" The first stanza captures the intense longing for the coming of the Messiah: "O Come, O Come, Emmanuel / And ransom captive Israel / That mourns in lonely exile here / Until the Son of God appears / Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel / Shall come to thee O Israel." My favorite Filipino Advent hymn expresses the same longing with an equally haunting tune: "Narito na ang Pasko ng Paglaya!"To enter into the spirit of Advent is to enter into this longing for God.
To everyone reading: may this Advent season serve as an invitation to come back in touch with that deepest yearning that each of us has for ever-fuller communion with God.
And on the "domestic" front. Highlights of last night's BP concert: the Ateneo Boys' Choir, and Noel Cabangon performing with BP. It's been awhile since I've watched Noel Cabangon perform .... I believe this calls for an immediate 70s gimmick next Wednesday.
After the concert, we went to Eastwood for dinner. Then I met up with another bunch of friends--N, LnM and company--also at Eastwood for a few drinks. We went home at 2:30 am. Yes, we are really really really getting old.
I had to say no to a lunch-out with my unitmates. I'm just way too tired. Later this afternoon, I have to go the cemetery because it's my grandfather's death anniversary, and if, on top of that, I throw in the lunch, I'll be too exhausted to teach well tomorrow.
So I will just spend the next few hours relaxing in bed, with a book. I'm determined to finish Lord of the Rings before the film comes out.
Last night was funfunfun. T and B cooked up a great "Weakest Link" game, barkada-version. We spent hours answering "LHC surveys," just like we used to in college. Also, it was great to see K again, after so long. It's great to be with old friends, period. Even though we did sleep relatively early. Yes, we are getting old!!!
B and A are still here; we're meeting up again later with E and T to watch the BP concert. Christmas has really arrived ....
What would you think if I sang out of tune, Would you stand up and walk out on me. Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song, And I'll try not to sing out of key. I get by with a little help from my friends, I get high with a little help from my friends, Going to try with a little hlep from my friends.
No, it doesn't worry me to be alone. :) Merry Christmas, guys! :) :) :)
I can't believe it. :( I'm so depressed. My friend had a nice thought though: "At least John has someone to jam with now."
Still .... :( :( :( I'm in the middle of an overnight inuman thing. We were just listening to the Beatles an hour ago (we didn't know yet). We were even talking about George. The CD is still in my player.
And then, about ten minutes into Star Wars (which we had agreed we would watch tonight), I received the news. I just had to go online to read the story.
Today's prayer session was nice. Apat lang kami, pero okey lang. Simple. About thirsting for God, and how Advent reminds us about our thirst for God.
And now ... I am just trying to waste time ... have a birthday party to attend later tonight. I'm beginning to love other people's birthdays ... they serve to comfort me with the knowledge that I'm not the only one getting older. Hehe! :P Especially since I'm older than a lot of my batchmates.
Hmmm ... maybe I should squeeze in some work before the party ... like a check some papers or something ....
Updates. I finally watched the Harry Potter movie. It was okay; I love how almost everything corresponded almost exactly to the way I'd imagined things. I especially loved the Quidditch Match scene. Still, nothing beats the book. :)
Beers and inihaw na tahong last night at AL's house. I never knew you could eat tahong that way. Really good, though.
Dinner and drinks last night with A and M. It's been awhile since I've felt bothered enough by something to actually invite people out to drink. After talking to them, things are a little bit clearer in my mind ... but I still feel a little off-center.
*Haaaay!*
A feature about the performing arts is on channel 9 right now. I miss ballet, even though I was never really good it.
This actor/deacon being interviewed just quoted St. Augustine: "Our heart is restless until it rests in Thee." Something I probably ought to dwell on right now.
Yesterday evening's main theme: the struggle of romantic relationships. The difficulty of deciding whether to start a new relationship ... the adjustment that it takes to make a young relationship work ... the issues that arise in a mature relationship ... and the complexities that linger when a relationship has long been over.
*Haaay!* I was commenting to E: I had almost forgotten how difficult being in love can be.
Giving elder-sisterly advice to T was heartwarming. As E, A, and I took turns talking to her, it made me realize how far each of us--the three of us--had come. Just two, three years ago, we were where she is now. And last night, we could actually sit there, with Color It Red performing five meters away from us, and talk about the struggle towards self-actualization ... how, eventually, you can learn to love yourself and feel fulfilled. And that the best kind of being "in love" is being in love with the world/with life, even when you don't have anyone particular to love. And that when you find that, it makes romance so much richer and more meaningful.
Hmmm ... the "Lonely Hearts" moniker we gave ourselves as college freshmen ... and the irony of that name ....
I'm beginning to think, maybe "happyhappyhappy" isn't the right way to describe my current state. "Centered" seems more accurate. Or even "healthy."
I'm sad about last night's stories, though. :( Why isn't love easier?
And, on a completely off-tangent note, why can't wine be cheaper?
Meanwhile ... I still haven't watched the Harry Potter movie. :(
And I am procrastinating ... yet again. Ladeedah. The girls are already at the restaurant. And I haven't even changed yet. Evil, evil me.
When Bill was very young, they had been in love. Many nights they had spent walking, talking together. Then something not very important had come between them, and they didn’t speak. Impulsively, she had married a man she thought she loved. Bill went away, bitter about women.
Yesterday, walking across Washington Square, she saw him for the first time in years.
“Bill Walker,” she said.
He stopped. At first he did not recognize her, to him she looked so old.
“Mary!” Where did you come from?”
Unconsciously, she lifted her face as though wanting a kiss, but he held out his hand. She took it. “I live in New York now,” she said.
“Oh”—smiling politely. Then a little frown came quickly between his eyes.
“Always wondered what happened to you, Bill.”
“I’m a lawyer. Nice firm, way downtown.”
“Married yet?”
“Sure. Two kids.”
“Oh,” she said.
A great many people went past them through the park. People they didn’t know. It was late afternoon. Nearly sunset. Cold.
“And your husband?” he asked her.
“We have three children. I work in the bursar’s office at Columbia.”
“You’re looking very . . .” (he wanted to say old) . . .
“. . . well,” he said.
She understood. Under the trees in Washington Square, she found herself desperately reaching back into the past. She had been older than he then in Ohio. Now she was not young at all. Bill was still young.
“We live on Central Park West, she said. “Come and see us sometime.”
“Sure,” he replied. “You and your husband must have dinner with my family some night. Any night, Lucille and I’d love to have you.”
The leaves fell slowly from the trees in the Square. Fell without wind. Autumn dusk. She felt a little sick.
“We’d love it,” she answered.
“You ought to see my kids.” He grinned.
Suddenly the lights came on up the whole length of Fifth Avenue, chains of misty brilliance in the blue air.
“There’s my bus,” she said.
He held out his hand, “Good-by.”
“When . . .” she wanted to say, but the bus was ready to pull off. The lights on the avenue blurred, twinkled, blurred. And she was afraid to open her mouth as she entered the bus. Afraid it would be impossible to utter a word.
Suddenly she shrieked very loudly, “Good-by!” But the bus door had closed.
The bus started. People came between them outside, people crossing the street, people they didn’t know. Space and people. She lost sight of Bill. Then she remembered she had forgotten to give him her address—or to ask him for his—or tell him that her youngest son was named Bill, too.
Things to do today: Meet with my colleague at school, dinner and G with the girls, and if I come home early enough, finish work on a paper. Reminder to myself: call my aunt.
Things I hope to do soon: Go shopping and buy that top I want, make my Christmas shopping list, renew my resolution to smoke less. And remember to order decaf next time I have a coffee nightcap.
Other news:: My younger brother finally got that Playstation 2 he has been hankering for. He offered to give me his old Playstation, but that means I'll have to wait till next summer. It's either that, or I seriously start saving up for a PS2 of my own.
"Nice" is one of my favorite words. There are times that it is just so appropriate.
Anyway. Crepes, candles, and coffee tonight with le barkada. Crepes for dinner (or dessert, in everyone else's case; I was the only one who hadn't eaten). Candles for after-dinner conversation. (We didn't eat them, silly. We were sitting at a table that had candles on it. I just couldn't resist the alliteration.) Coffee for night cap. As usual, my proposal for an alcoholic night cap was outvoted. Am I the only one in the group who has not outgrown alcohol?
Main topics for the night:commitment, work-related stress (as usual), and dogs.
News that made me beam with joy: Warren, the kid who sells sampaguitas across the apartment building I used to live in, got into the U.P. Intarmed program. :) I can't believe he's graduating from high school already; I still remember when he was a little kid.
Tonight was nice.
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Today, on the other hand, was "pleasant."
I often feel I'm in my element inside the classroom. Today was one of those moments. Nothing spectacular. But thoroughly enjoyable. Mental notes: (1) Avoid examples that will garner too much reaction from the class, especially when pressed for time. (2) Take note of dramatic pauses. Ah yes, it is true, the art of giving lectures is, to a great extent, theater-acting.
After class, I managed to wing it at a panel discussion that I came completely unprepared for. (Winging it: a skill that takes semesters of practice, as all teachers know.)
Post-class conversation at the department: Today's topics were Habermas, capitalism, the weaknesses of the Philippine college system, and the loopholes of democratization. Result: two additional books to read. I've been reading and thinking so much these past few months, that I'm starting to feel a bit tired: "Shall I throw the towel into the political philosophy ring? And for the moment do something a bit less, um, 'involving,' like metaphysics?" Political philosophy, I find, wears me out more easily, because of the urgency that I feel every time I think about it. Stress, stress, stress. Department chair's recommendation: "Maybe it's time to stop reading, and start writing." Very good point, pragmatically-speaking. I have five deadlines to meet. In the meantime: my struggle, I think, with political philosophy, is that I cannot remain the detached pure philosopher when I delve into it.
*Sigh.* So ... today was pleasant. Meanwhile, I remain happyhappyhappy. (Again, a clarification: not ecstatic happy, but peaceful happy. Life continues to be pretty good.) :)
Read through my e-mail. Including a Thanksgiving message from a cousin in NYC who lost her fiance in the WTC attack.
I am thankful for the reminder that even in the depths of despair, there are still things to be thankful for....
I've been reflecting on the meaning of "ang tawang hindi mapait," for tomorrow's class. And the same thought keeps resounding in my mind. Ang lahat ay biyaya. Everything is grace. Not in some Disneyland or fairy-tale kind of way. But in a genuine coming-to-terms with the pain of life -- (the kind of coming-to-terms which there are no words for) -- and a realization that even in this pain, everything is still grace.
I don't necessarily agree with, nor fully understand, the historical reasons for the celebration of this U.S. feast. (I wonder how most Native Americans feel about Thanksgiving.) Nevertheless, I do think it's nice to set aside a day to be grateful. So . . . Happy Thanksgiving.
Now, is it appropriate to say "Happy" Ramadan? How about "Have a Holy Ramadan"?
Attended a prayer session today. The theme was Christ as King (this Sunday is the Solemnity of Christ the King). The Scripture passage for contemplation was Luke 23:35-43, the scene of the Crucifixion in which Christ was being mocked as "King of the Jews," and in which the two thieves spoke to him as they hung dying.
A few months ago, I listened to a priest give a talk on theology. At one point in his talk, he was trying to help us visualize the ugliness of Christ's crucifixion--or any crucifixion. "Imagine a large cut of meat hanging from a hook in a wet market," he said. "Imagine the rancid smell . . . the flies swarming . . . . For that's what a crucifixion was: a piece of meat hanging from a post."
The irony of it. That Christ's moment of "kingship" was such a horrible, humiliating death. If we were alive at the time, honestly, what would our reaction have been at the Crucifixion? In my contemplation, I suddenly understood Peter--hiding in fear, and maybe embarrassment. His leader, his mentor, his "idol" (in the Filipino sense) was hanging like the worst of criminals, as an enemy of the people; his body beaten, swollen, bruised; his dignity stripped of him as he became the butt of jokes and the target of insults.
This cross of humiliation was Christ's throne.
I read a Christmas reflection once that said that Christ's birth was a turning of the world on its head. At his birth, God Incarnate was not staring down at the earth from the heavens; he was lying in a manger looking up at the world. Christ's death seems to have involved the same inversion. The King inhaled his first breath of air in a smelly stable with cow dung and horse shit on the ground; at his death, the King's last breath left a body that was bloody and battered, his "royal" death a death not fit even for the worst criminals in our modern world.
Yet in turning the world upside down like this, Christ showed us the meaning of his own words: that he who wants to be first must place himself last, in the service of others. That God's "kingdom" is not a kingdom of riches, nor honor, nor pride and ambition . . . but a kingdom of self-effacing, supremely self-giving love. As St. Ignatius reminds us, this is the standard of God's kingdom.
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Had a nice long talk this evening with a colleague, about politics, economics, and the history of civilizations. The more I come to know the academic world, the more I shudder at the uncertainty of the answers we have. Ideas are what shape history, and I hope that we are moving closer to the right ideas.
The way things are going, I probably won't be able to tick off all the things on today's to-do list. I promised a group of students I'd eat lunch at their stall today (they're having a foodsale). I also have to run errands at two banks . . . and then be back on campus in time for a meeting this afternoon. I keep telling myself, "I'll get ready in five minutes" . . . "no, five more" . . . .
Okay. So I've been trying to figure out this HTML thing by trying to decipher source codes. (One must be resourceful in times of desperation.) Even Greek is easier. "Parang Wordstar lang yan," according to my elder brother. Makes me really glad that I learned to use a computer in the pre-Windows era. Wish me luck.
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