Hankering.
Let me explain this post.
I don't consider myself someone who wants a lot of things. I think I generally have simple desires. And I'm so blessed in so many ways that I'm often too overwhelmed with thanksgiving to feel the need for much more. But every now and then, there is something, and this is one of those nows.
See, I have a long-term dream, to take my PhD, either in NYC or, pwede rin, the UK. But to get there I have these short-term steps ... one of which is to go to the UK with M later this year. There's a summer program I want to attend and in some ways it makes my longer term goal seem so reachable ... but in other ways it makes it seems so distant.
So I've arranged most of it: the schedule and the adjustments I need to make at work, the requirements, the research ... and now the only thing left is ... sigh ... the money for the flight and for the program.
My friends who know me well know my strange wu-wei philosophy about money ("If you need it, it will come") .... But this time around ... am I hankering too much? ... or is the amount I need just so out of my league? .... This time I'm more worried than hopeful, and there's a bit of desperation in the steps I'm trying to take .... It's something I've already cried about, and in the meantime, I've been working my butt off .... The summer holiday that I was supposed to free up to focus on preparing for the wedding has instead turned into the summer non-holiday of non-stop, incessant, back-breaking extra work (overload, freelance, racket, you-name-it).
So why this post?
Because a wise friend of mine once said that if there's something you really, really want, sometimes, you just need to send the wish out into the Universe and perhaps, perhaps, by magic or serendipity, what you hanker for will come to you.
So this little post is my way of doing that. Universe, I have already been blessed with so much, and I do know that
kung di ukol, di bubukol ... but on the other hand, if this is meant to be mine, then please help me find the keys that will open the doors for me. Thank you.
_______